Christianity Lately Is a Problem.

Ohhh yes, it’s about to get hot up in here. Mainly because Christianity isn’t about Christ anymore, it’s just about being hateful.

Growing up in the bible belt, we went through our Church-going phases. Christianity was always present in my life, but never really forced. At fifteen, I got wrapped up in a church group, took it seriously, was baptized, taught Sunday school, and lived it day in and day out. Then after about seventeen, my views slowly started to change. After being diagnosed with stage four Pulmonary Hypertension, and having to deal with new bigger problems that I didn’t volunteer for, and being attacked by Christian groups, I REALLY started to become bitter.

I’ve tried the whole church thing so many times in my life, but it never felt quite right. The atmosphere, attitude of the people all just felt very “off.” I felt more like an investor in a business than I did a person coming to study. Church leaders would learn about my diagnosis, and would almost refuse to believe it saying I would be healed, and what not. When I asked about healing I was told “It’s all been recorded on a disk set that you can purchase in our shop.” Nothing was ever personal at hardly any of the churches I’ve attended (well maybe one) and when it was personal, I was also being “talked about.” Years later, here I am still taking my pills to relieve my symptoms from PH.

Having PH totally changed my future that I thought I was going to get. From day one I’ve always wanted a large family, and any person could tell you that I am all about kids, and want my own. PH pretty much destroyed that. A person with PH has an 85% mortality rate trying to carry a child, cannot take medication, the fetus is at high risk because it will be exposed to medication we need not to mention not receiving enough oxygen, and usually the mother dies from heart failure before delivery. Also, we can’t be on birth control because we already have a high risk of blood clotting, stroke, and heart attack. So we’re left with “good luck” and condoms which usually leads to the very hard decision to have an abortion. Most of these women having abortions are having them done with their husbands…the same women who are spending THOUSANDS of dollars to have a child through adoption and surrogacy. We are good people…yet Christians attack us with the label that we are “murderers” “horrible people” and “whores.” Hmmm, what good people you must be by labeling others. We didn’t choose our diagnosis, and we deserve access to safe and healthy abortions.

That’s where my fist major turn off is with Christians. They stand outside protesting things like gay marriage, homosexuality, and abortions like they are doing something good. Yet, if you crack your bible open further, it will tell you that all sins are looked at as the same by Christ himself.  Romans 3:23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Christians lately are all about protesting only a few sins, and ranking them. If you are going to stand outside and protest abortion, or gay marriage, then you DAMN WELL better be protesting those who gossip, or have premarital sex, or you better go stand outside of the bars protesting all the “horrid and sinful” people who are drinking, and lusting. YOU BETTER START MAKING ALL SINS EQUAL AS YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THEY ARE. STOP PICKING AND CHOOSING WHICH ONES ARE WORSE. YOU ARE A SINNER. PUT YOUR SIGN DOWN, AND SIT DOWN.


Now this brings me to another huge problem; religious freedom. This crazy Kim Davis that is currently in jail for not issuing a same-sex marriage license is being praised by Christians everywhere. Christians continuously are bitching about how “everyone get’s to express their opinions but Christians aren’t allowed to, and we’re supposed to be accepting.” YOU DON’T GET AN OPINION BECAUSE IT IS FULL OF DISCRIMINATION AND HATE. YES, you are supposed to be accepting just as the Christ you are worshiping was accepting!! You only love those, and believe that Christians only should attain religious freedom. WE ALL DESERVE RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. Buddhists, Muslims, Christians, Native American’s, EVERYONE deserves religious freedom. You have to respect others. If your job requires you to hand out a same-sex marriage license, and you don’t want to then it’s time to find a new job. You cannot impose your beliefs onto others. They deserve freedom. We are not all Christians, and the more you continue to rank others sins, protest others sins, call people murderers, the MORE AND MORE PEOPLE WILL BE TURNED AWAY FROM CHRIST. You are a huge disappointment, and turn off to the Bible. You don’t get an opinion anymore because it is filled with HATE.


Christ gave people an option. CHRIST gave people an option, yet y’all little ol’ bible thumpers don’t give people an option. Everyone is just supposed to fall under what you believe in. Set people free, and do what your God has told you to do. LOVE OTHERS. RESPECT OTHERS. If you don’t like it, then walk away, and let people live their lives how they intend to. As far as I can see right now, Christianity is just another word for hate and oppression. Yikes.

Song of the week is Tiny Spark by Brendan Benson.



You Should Be Scared.

Oh, yes. Haley had to blog on it, because I think it heavily affects us PH’ers. If you’ve seen my posts on Facebook, I’m sure you are just all sorts of annoyed right now. Please, be annoyed, but seeing as how I’m someone who is alive because of medication that is used for erectile dysfunction, and I just so happen to have a uterus and ovaries (which apparently I have no say over) I feel strongly on this subject. My blog, my views. If you can’t handle, then don’t read it. You’ve been warned.


Now you’re thinking, what in the world does Viagra medication have to do with birth control? Lets start from the beginning. All the way back religious freedom. For those of you who don’t know, Hobby Lobby just won its case in Supreme Court saying that because they are a “Christian” based company, that they will no longer cover for any of their female worker’s birth control. This is shocking to me, and disgusting on so many levels. Lets start with the basics and build from there. I grew up in an era where “Worth the Wait” came to your classrooms and preached to you on not getting pregnant, and if you chose to be sexually active then to be protected. They even told us little eighth graders and freshman where to get free birth control. I was raised in an era that wanted us all to have birth control to prevent making a stupid mistake that would not only affect us, but this child, our families, and so forth. Now, America has spiraled completely backwards as if to make women feel horrible about preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Really? You aren’t going to stop them from having sex. I don’t care what God you shove in their face. With that being said, now we want to take away their protection so we can force them to pop these unwanted pregnancies out? I hope you follow-up with those kids, and make sure they are taken care of. If you’re pro-life, then you better make sure that kid has a life. Otherwise you are just pro-birth. Don’t even get me started on why us PH patients can not have kids. Yes, we can get pregnant, but eighty-five percent of woman die before the baby is born because it accelerated the heart failure. You would deny a woman who might be able to take birth control (depending on her situation, I can’t) so that she might possibly get pregnant and die? You would shame the woman who can’t be on birth control, got pregnant maybe even with her husband, but had to have an abortion because she knew the pregnancy would be fatal? Shame on you, you judgmental Christian. Aww, forgive those serial killers though…

I think its disgusting that in 2014, as a woman, I am still fighting for full control over my body. I was born with my ovaries, my uterus, my hair, and my fingernails. I will do with them what I damn well please. Is this sex slavery? Are you just deciding for me what I shall do with my ovaries and vagina? No. They are mine. They are the woman that they belong to. If we want birth control, diaphragms, babies, no babies, or fifty sex partners then that is that woman’s decision. To deny them basic access to basic needs is a human rights violation. I think it’s a violation of freedom. With the Fourth of July coming up, it really makes me think of America and all these soldiers who have fought to maintain freedom in this country. But as I see all these stars, stripes, and fireworks being prepared, I’m not proud to live in America. Freedom is being taken from us one step at a time. Basic rights for the pursuit of happiness. Not everyone’s happiness involves pregnancy. In fact, most of you bitch when you’re friends get knocked up, and are not married. Are we really free anymore? Compared to other countries yes, but this is a scary path we’ve turned down.

Now, back to the Viagra. If Hobby Lobby can go into court and say because its “beliefs” that it will now basically force it upon its employee’s, and no longer cover birth control, what about other companies? I read in an article earlier, can a Jewish company now say that they wont provide any medication that is derived from a pig because they don’t believe in that? What about another christian based company that isn’t as sexist as Hobby Lobby, and wont cover things like Viagra? Guess whose treatment is Viagra? Yea, um, my life saving medication, as well as many many many other patients, even children. This is a very complicated, ugly, political tree that branches off in so many directions that should’ve been left alone. Someday, your treatment will not be covered by your employer, American. Why? Because they don’t agree with it. Ahhh, such great doctors, right?

Ahhh, now the religious part, my favorite. I am so tired of Christianity. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? But really. I’ve grown used to the idea that Christianity is about forcing your beliefs onto another person. In this case, its proved so. “Well Haley, they are a christian based family, so these employee’s can work somewhere else.” Are they a church? No, they are a profitable business. What about the females that have worked there a steady amount of years? They now have to look for another job because God knows what their birth control costs out-of-pocket? The birth control that they’re taking for possibly cysts, or hormone therapy, or maybe because they just had a kid and don’t want another? Too bad now unemployed female in an already jobless economy!! Hobby Lobby thinks you should no longer cure those painful cysts, receive hormone therapy, and they think you should be the next 19 Kids and Counting star! Just wow.

Overall, it’s just a horrible thing to support. Especially if you are a female. How can you support a company that strips away your freedom as a woman? If men had to be on birth control, I bet they would have bacon flavored candy of birth control available to men at those check outs by those colorful sharpies. Ha, Religion. If we’re talking about the same God they claim to believe in, its funny how he gave us Humans a choice. He said,”You can choose to believe in me, and believe in everlasting life, or not.” He gave us freewill. GOD DID. Yet, these humans…do not.



Instagram @haleyann92

Freedom; Oxygen of the Soul.

Lately I’ve been catching myself saying, “I can’t do that because…” , “Lord knows what would happen if…” , and blah blah blah. It hit me how much I’m limiting myself because of my dysfunctional lungs. I don’t even try, I just instantly throw on the brakes. Therefore, I’m always on the sidelines, I’m always watching, I’m always wishing that I could do such fun stuff…screw it. I’m doing it. Its JUNE! Its summer! It’s a beautiful time of year to crawl outside of your cave, and look into things you’ve never considered. Am I suggesting a running with the bulls? Of course not. But why, why do we make our priority in life to just survive it?

We really tend to find ourselves existing within the limited walls of our disease. We make excuses, we follow doctors strict orders, we take those pills and endure these side effects, and we are therefore living in a disabled rutt. Sounds messy doesn’t it? Thats because it is. This is part where doctors usually want to strangle me. The whitecoats (doctors) are used to seeing the worst of the worst, and prescribing the up most strictest care. They have to, and I respect it. But they really do forget about the soul on the inside of the defective body. I’m not letting my shell rule my life; end of story. I will take care of my shell so that I may continue to have a life, and I will be careful with my shell, but I will not enter the twilight zone of getting so lost in the care for this disabled shell to keep living only to realize I have no life. Make sense yet?



I’m getting better at taking my pills. Stay on top of your meds, endure the stupid side effects, and communicate with your doctor.

My oxygen goes where I go, just in case. Yours should be a travel companion too, despite whether you wear it all the time or not.

I plan for the worst, and hope for the best. You should be doing that as well. Think through what you’re doing, and the possible outcomes.

Educate yourself. The more you know about lungs, blood pressures, hearts, medication do’s and dont’s, the absolute better.

Know your body. Truly know what you can and cannot do. I go into over 10,000 elevation every summer because I know I’ll have no issues. What happens if I do? I have all my meds, oxygen, BP&O2 monitors, and I know where the nearest hospital is.

Do what you love. Try everything in small quantities, and don’t push your limits.

There is so much more to life than just surviving it.


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Warning: Adult Content, and Personal Opinions.

Ok, this is about to be a full on opinionated, debatable, harsh, make people mad type of post. If you cannot handle it, or deal with it, then please stop now. I have avoided, avoided, and avoided this post because It should never be the focus of my blog. Negativity should never be the focus, but reality is. The blog has my name on it, and this is my view. The end.
The other day, I found a nasty pin on Pinterest that was the typical “pro life everyone is a murderer” type of pin. My anger got the best of me, and I commented how disgraceful it was. This persons profile of course had a bible verse on her description, as well as all this other “stuff” that immediately made her an identifiable Jesus follower. Except, I can’t call her that. I downright can not call this person a follower of Jesus in my eyes. She can, her family and friends can, but I’m going to tell you why I can’t.
“Well Haley, you don’t KNOW her.” You’re right, I don’t. But by the words she proceeded to type to me, I definitely know where she stands. She said “I hope you seek the mercy you deserve/need” or whatever. This is exactly what is wrong with our world. We are so stuck in our ways, our views, our opinions that we don’t have love, sympathy, or compassion for any other human. I am a pro choice person. There; there is the “ugly” truth. I believe it is in fact your body, and it is no one else’s decision, or a politicians decision on such a personal thing of what you will do with YOUR uterus. With that being said, I think if you have a perfectly capable body to deliver a child, but don’t want it, please consider adoption. People like me would LOVE to adopt. Also, getting rid of safe abortion options, leads to unsafe “back alley” ones. So all in all, I am PRO CHOICE. I am also pro adoption, pro birth control, pro abstinence, pro reality, and pro women’s right to choose.

freedomThis will never be a free country, until these assholes mind their own business.

However, after my Pinterest encounter with this person, apparently all people who are “pro choice” are whores, sluts, and murderers. Even pulmonary hypertension patients that have an 85% mortality rate when they are pregnant. Even the PH patients that have husbands, merely wanted a child, but know her body has a slim chance of making it. Most PH patients die within 35 days of delivery. What about birth control? Oh, we can’t be on that either because we already have a risk of blood clotting, stroke and heart attack on our own. So what are us “sluts” and “murderers” suppose to do? Are we supposed to carry through with this baby because they made it a law, so then we end up leaving a grieving husband and family with no wife OR child?
Bottom line, carrying a child will NEVER be anyone else’s decision except for the mothers uterus it’s in. Oh, and what did the girl on the pin say when I told her our side of the story? “That’s an extremely rare thing that’s even unavoidable.” Oh my. Honey, you are talking to the “rare thing.” I’m sorry about this post. I’m so tired of slut shaming, judgement, and being so stuck that you cannot appreciate people. All you do is turn your nose up, call them names, and tell them they need mercy? Like we don’t feel that enough as a HUMAN? These type of “Christians” have put such a horrible taste in my mouth. I hope the Jesus you are following is a tremendously different Jesus that I’ve heard of, and ever want to follow.
Everyone is SO WORTH LOVING. Just stop. You have your opinions, but you have no mercy, no bible quote, and no ground to stand on when you can look at someone, and call them a slut, and murder without knowing them. I hope you seek the “mercy” you in fact “deserve.” I don’t want to know you. Ever.

Shooting For the Sunrise.

Life has been a slew of weird events strung together in order to keep me happy. For a few months now I’ve merely been existing in an unidentifiable funk, and when people ask whats bugging me, I can’t even fathom what words to respond with. I clearly don’t know. Its been the weirdest time in my life, and keeping my mood afloat and in check has been quite the battle. I guess the only definition I have for myself is lost at the moment. Lost in the ridiculous, and overpowering waves of life that have been washing over my head for a long time now. Finally, I’m now realizing that I’m halfway drowned and far away from shore. Yet, I feel as though I’m exactly where I need to be. Is anyone else going through this?


At first I tried to look for happiness in all the wrong ways. Happiness to me was drowning out all the bad, and trying to brainwash myself into thinking that if I blocked anything and everything out that rocked me to the core, I would be fine. I would be fine if I kept ignoring the truth, if I put my blinders on and only focused on the “fluff.” Let me tell you right now, the fluff in life is fake. Its nothing but a mirage that in itself is evil because when you do figure out its fake, and that you thought you just might be fine, that fall will hurt worse than anything. The truth is sometimes ugly, but in the ugliest things I find a certain type of simple, and freeing beauty. Does that make sense? Yea I didn’t think so. I thought that by doing everything “perfect” in life I would find total happiness. What could go wrong? I’m going to church, I’m working a full-time job, I have money, I have “friends”, I mean seriously what am I missing? Taking a step back I realized that I was overworked, exhausted, spent more time sleeping than laughing, I was being lied to, I was bored, and I started to hate life. I entered a state of insanity, and forever I’ve been told that I’m just “dramatic”, “weird”, and “out of control” when in reality I was losing my mind. And now as I sit here in my cold room barely lit with my bedside lamp, I have a such an overpowering sense of clarity that has never graced my eyes or mind before. These emotions are awful. My own mind wants to turn against itself, and sometimes the thought of death is more comforting than waking up tomorrow and seeing the Texas sunrise. However, pulling myself out of these massively damaging thoughts, and feeling the relief when I no longer have the weight hanging around my neck is such an amazing sensation. To look back and see what I’ve gone through, what I’ve survived, and how bad things have gotten and continue to get, it’s just amazing. In the darkest bars I still meet the nicest and funniest people. To the most horrible songs, I have so much fun dancing with the weirdest people. In the darkest of times there is that one light and there is still beauty, and you will pull yourself through. Do not block out the bad because deep within the lousiest moments are the unexpected bursts of elated blessings that your protective “blinders” didn’t let you experience. Happiness is still existent, even in the weirdest places. You are your only judge of happiness, and I promise darling you are not too far from shore. You will not sink to the bottom, and complete black will not encompass your soul. Keep pushing to make it to that sunrise.

Life is beautiful. Keep fighting.

Check out the song of the week, Help Yourself by the one and only Amy Winehouse.