Dont Ask.

Naturally, when you reach a certain age you are asked almost every day if you are “dating”, “seeing anyone”, “talking to anyone”, or god forbid “getting married.” No, no, no, and hell no. And guess what? I’m not available either. I’m not against any of this, and if you are then go you. I will be sure to mail your gold star, but stop asking me. I don’t get offended, I just get tired.

You see, at one point in my life that was my life. Utterly focused on the future, all I saw were children, a wedding, and BOOM that was it. That was all I ever thought about, and not an ounce of effort was put forth past it. Yea…things are slightly different. Not to re-hash old shit, but my world fell apart. I picked up the pieces, got over it, and once my world was somewhat put back together it was no longer the same place. For a long time I searched for who I thought could be a new “love” and all my efforts failed. As I sensed their lying, playing, stupidity, it just aggravated the fact that not only did I feel stupid to be looking, but I wasn’t ready. I’m still not, and I don’t care if I ever am.

bookcat

All my friends out there who had a kid, got married, getting married, or have serious loves, then go you. You are doing what you want! I can truly honestly say I’m not pulling a “cat-lady” moment saying that I’m happier single, but truthfully, I am. I don’t want to be criticized for it either. Yea, I check the single box on all my tax, and important documents. That box literally looks no different from the marriage one, except the wording beside it. My cat and I are very happy together y’all.

I’m glad that your marriage makes you feel complete, or your children. I really am! I desperately want my children someday, but I want my vodka, and book first. I may want my kids, but I can honestly say that I really don’t ever know if I actually want a marriage. Sorry that’s a jagged pill to swallow, but its the truth. I don’t crave a romance (unless I’m listening to Nat King Cole, or reading John Green) but hey, its fun to pin wedding crap on Pinterest! Maybe one day I’ll date, maybe marry, maybe not. So no, don’t ask me if I’m dating, or talking, or getting married. That was once my world, and what an awful and lonely world that once was.

-haley.

Advertisements