Active Parenting.

Back in my educational days, the phrase “active learning, active teaching” was something you heard at almost every conference which happened what seemed like everyday of the week. Because ya know, on top of all these ridiculous hours that teachers put in, they still have to attend the ten conferences a week too. Anyways, from what I can remember (and if they haven’t changed anything – because they change the new acceptable teaching styles like they change their underwear) active teaching meant you are literally active with the kids; you are singing with them, sitting at the table with them, interacting, asking questions, and everyone is laughing and painting rainbows. Just kidding, it was more like trying to rope a litter of kittens sometimes (depending on the lunch food or moon), but active teaching was actually fun if you were doing it right. Still, active teaching, and learning is definitely my thing. When you are active in this child’s life, you are learning just as much about them as they are hopefully learning about the subject. It’s a bonding experience with your students, they develop a sense of trust, and they enjoy learning in your company. You are not just the typical teacher leaning over their desks with your red pen. This got me thinking about extending this further into a child’s life. What if we had active parenting for children these days?

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Now what in the hell am I talking about? When I see a lot of kids social media for example, it blows my mind how many are posting what they want to, and how unaware their parents are. They put their suicide notes on Facebook, and all their friends are calling and arranging rides to drive to this teenagers house to check on them, while the parent is in their bedroom peacefully unaware. Kids posting on Instagrams about all their drug loves, “Snapchatting” things they shouldn’t be, using dating apps, and looking up Fifty Shades of Grey porn. What teenager wouldn’t have been doing this throughout the ages if they had access? They have the world in the palm of their hand, they have friends to pick them up and take them out into the world, and that Football game or sleepover? They get lost in a sea of kids to go do God knows what while you think they are just at a “football game” or “sleeping over.” If you aren’t careful your kid is acting twenty-one at fifteen when they do not have the capacity in their brains to be “acting” like that. Yes, they are in “grown up” bodies, and can feel “grown up” things, but they do not have the knowledge, experience or power to execute those emotions correctly yet.

No, you cannot control your kids actions; you cannot sit on top of them. I’ve watched parents control everything down to the minutes on the kid’s phone, and let me tell you, they weren’t successful either. Its a delicate balance of power, respect and back-fire. So what exactly as a parent are you supposed to do? Get active; be an active parent. Trust your kids, do not trust the internet. BAN (yes, ban) certain apps from their phone, know their friends, keep in contact with the friend’s parents, watch their social media, talk to them and let yourself become an active safety net. The way I see it, the parents that are “chill”, have no structure within their kids lives, then freak out when something goes wrong are the wrong kind of safety net. They make themselves seem like an awesome parent, but they are not paying attention or listening. That kind of safety net rests on the ground, so when the kid falls they hit hard. Why? Because that parent wasn’t paying attention. Be the parent that is there to pick your kid up when they did get in over their head. Other parents don’t even let their kids get OUT of the safety net, therefor everyone loses their minds. Don’t be that parent either. Delicately balance an off the ground, not too close but in the middle system that is best for all, and each age will need adjusting because each age is a completely new set of traps.

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I’m not asking you to be the perfect parent. Your children are human, and in a world where they literally are given the world at even an elementary age, you are going to have to pull up your bootstraps. Sit at their table, participate, sing with them, talk to them, learn with them, instruct them, and be there for them. They will learn everything themselves, but they don’t have to hit the ground to do that.

Active parenting.

-haley.

New shop, and song of the week!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/PHenomenalPHinds

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Feminism; Not Just for Females.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of online shopping (because what other kind of shopping is so exciting?!) and found a shirt that I immediately made mine. “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.” We all know that Haley is a feminist because a long time ago I decided to start playing on my own team. Now before we make this a man-hating session, lets quickly establish what feminism actually is and what all you “Women against feminism” and “feminism haters” have made it.

feminismShirt by Wicked Clothing

Feminism is for everyone; It’s not just a vagina squad yelling about the injustices done to them, and how all of these injustices were committed only by men. Feminism is taking a stand for women’s rights, and realizing that they are people. Your girlfriend? She’s a person. Your mom? She’s a person. Your daughter, sister and nieces? They are people. Just because they don’t have a dick doesn’t mean they should be treated any less. If you agree with that paragraph, then yes you are a feminist. And that word, feminist, something people seem to have tainted; it’s not a bad word. It’s merely summing up where you stand on a hefty issue instead of explaining everything that defines it.

feminism3No, no, no! She’s such a whore for choosing the “easy way out!” Despite how many people cannot have kids because of other dangerous medical reasons…

I read the other day that women not being paid the same, and that “rape culture” is all a myth; It doesn’t exist, and that women are as equal as they believe themselves to be. “Ahh, slavery never existed. Blacks were as free as they believed themselves to be.” Yea, you make yourself sound like an ignorant jackass when you say that, whether you are a man or a woman. Sex slavery, and women being traded into it is still a very real thing. Women not being paid as much is still a very real thing that people continue to prove. Women being put into positions that make them weaker, or sex objects is still a very real thing (cue the Fifty Shades of Shit battle.) Get online, start researching, or just walk outside the fucking door and its easily everywhere. After all this time we are still raising generations to think women do put themselves underneath a man. The only time they belong underneath a man is in a consensual missionary position, of course. It is equally important that not only women believe, but men as well believe and act on the notion that women are equals, and important.

Now the women who just think it’s all about man hating; NO. How else can I put it? Feminism isn’t about hating men, because despite my thoughts on equality I still have awesome men in my life that support me. How can I put it simply; why are you giving any type of damn (outside of the bedroom) what is in anybody’s pants? Men are not all lazy assholes. Yes, a lot are because the world is progressing towards the end. Women are not all psychotic contradicting bitches. Yes, a lot are because the world is progressing towards the end. It’s your job to sort through the shitty pile of people and stop blaming them for whats in their pants.

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I need feminism because first I am a woman, and want to respect myself. Second, I am a young, fertile woman that happens to have a fatal disease with an eighty-five percent mortality rate with woman who become pregnant with this disease. A disease that also does not allow these women to be on birth control because of the risk of blood clots, heart attacks, and strokes that us patients already have. I need feminism because of the massive risk that maybe one day I will get pregnant, not because I’m a careless whore, but because I love someone. Despite the children of mine I want to become a mother to, I will have an abortion so that I may continue to live MY life, because that abortion is my choice. I need feminism so that I may have a safe abortion, free of judgement despite the already ridiculous emotions I might be feeling with that decision. My life is my choice. I choose equality, and freedom.

Feminism is about recognizing that women are people; it’s not a big scary liberal riot like you are making it out to be. We are not your “fuck holes”, sex slaves, BAE, or anything else. We are your equal. We are equals, and we deserve just as much respect. That is feminism, ladies AND gentlemen.

Check out the Contest, and the Song of the Week!!

-haley.

The Secret to Living a Better Life.

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When having conversations with not only adults lately, but youth as well, my ears were assaulted at how many “I cant’s” and excuses fell out of their mouths. Not only were they limiting themselves, but limiting their life experiences…and it made me die a little inside on what life experiences they choose to miss out on. So many people these days build up “Pinterest Boards” of things to do, see, and make these fake bucket lists. Fake? Yes, fake. Because when it comes down to getting shit done, you make an excuse. We all watch these fabulous travel movies, or “Remember the Titans” and get all inspired to try new things, and be accepting of other races…yet the next day you refuse to go to the “sketch” side of town to have those awesome enchiladas, and you still curl your nose at the thought of someone having different colored skin. This is not only a problem making you adults look like the exact ass you present yourself to be, but you are raising your children to be little asses too; closed-minded ass-like families. “Well that’s a little harsh” – Yea, well I’m a little tired of it.

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You see, life experiences do not come out of routine. Learning, and growth do not develop from comfort, but from pushing the limits. Anthony Bourdain is a huge inspiration to me because he is the living example of this. No, don’t pray to get famous, and be a travel show host, but what is so different about him goes beyond this “food network” image. He is not just trying new dishes, he’s talking to the locals, learning new customs, and genuinely interested in what is going on around him. Because he’s been ran off, and almost died in most countries (and sacrificed those not pleasant experiences) he has had the privilege to see things most would never see in a lifetime, taste things we’ve never heard of, met beautiful people who fight everyday to live a normal life, and in return he is living a truly beautiful life. For all the uptight Christians out there, do you really think this Jesus that you talk about all the time didn’t venture to the other side of town? Do you think he did what he was supposed to do by remaining closed-minded? Your “religion” gives you no excuse.

A beautiful life with one of kind experiences does not happen at a party college. It does not happen throughout your daily routine, and about ninety five percent of the time it doesn’t happen when you are doing what everyone else is doing. Stop raising your children within these mental walls. It happens by stepping outside the red lines that society put up to keep you guarded, and expanding your mind into consistently adapting and loving everything you could possibly learn. Never stop learning. It is a true gift to live the actual meaning of an open-minded individual with a life full of blessings. Yep, you are going to feel like an against the grain loner about seventy percent of the time…and its the most freeing feeling in the world.

-haley.

Fifty Shades of Shit.

I’m so tired of hearing that anyone who doesn’t like this book, “Fifty Shades of Grey” is an uptight Christian. Well, I as well as all of my friends can tell you I’m probably the complete opposite. I don’t go to church, I flip people off, I drink, and I’ll just stop there because you should get the point. While we wont get into my Native beliefs about my Creator, we will just focus on the facts and fall out that this book is already in the process of causing. I know what I wont be doing on Valentines Day…excuse me for having a little moral fiber!

Just about every young person my age and older kept stopping me only to say, “You should really read this book!” I was in the middle of reading “Looking for Alaska” by John Green, and when I read what Fifty Shades of Grey was about, I sat it right back down. You see, the further we progress into the future, and the more new ideas that are introduced, we can either open our minds to them or object them. Is this something that we’ve become numb to? So do we just accept it, or is it something that the economy is trying to make us think is okay because we’ve progressed so far? Tattoos for example; this was a hell no thing even in my mother’s era. By the time I was ten, we were planning our future tattoos, and sticking fake ones all over our body. Over the years people have become more accepting of tattoos because of how numb we’ve become to this art, and opened our minds to its beauty when done correctly. Before I put the real ink on my body, I asked myself, “Am I numb to the realities of this, or is this still wrong?” Seeing as how this ancient form of art has been around longer than us, and I really don’t think my creator will hate me over a few words put onto my body, I’m good. But when fifty shades of grey was published, I caught myself again. We make excuses like, “Come on! Its two thousand fifteen!” I don’t give a damn. I will never succumb myself to being weaker than I am for a mans pleasure. Kiss my ass, yea, except don’t touch me at all.

kittyYa never know what Christian may do next!

What cracks me up about this whole thing is we have so many “fake feminists” running around these days. Man-haters, woman power, and they will be the first ones to protest about their maternity leave, and Rape culture that is growing. Yet, all these books are sitting on their shelves? You are a walking, talking, selfish, and loss of power contradiction. You gave money to the rape culture, honey. “Just because I like a sex book doesn’t mean I support rape.” Yes, actually, yes it does when it comes to this book. Psychologists have studied this Christian Grey person calling him the true American Psycho. This woman wrote about a man who controls her every move, stalks her, has her sign contracts, pushes her sexually, physically, mentally and goes so far to the point they have to create a “safe” word when the pain becomes too much? Seriously women? In the simplest of words; Wake the FUCK up. When you have to create “safe” words, I’m guessing whats going on isn’t safe. “How about kneeing you in the nuts, Christian? Oh, was that too far honey? Should’ve used your safe word!” Annatasia is the typical low self-esteem girl who is now being tied up, and fucked, because she was being so “wooed” with stupid materialism, and controlling tactics to make her think that she should accepting of this behavior. She was too dumb to be strong, and form her own opinion; We’ve all been her at one point…and we end up stronger, better off or battered, and dead. Hmmm, now that’s true romance.

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Moving on; this isn’t just about the scary sex. The mental side to this book, what it’s promoting, and what it will do to our future generations? Did we ever stop to think about that? What happens when your impressionable thirteen year old daughter (or son) is digging through Mom’s cabinets (because who else did this when she wasn’t home?) and finds this “fifty shades of grey” pushed towards the back? Now to them, leather, whips, name calling and stalking is love; its romance, its cool. Now your daughter might let the unstable boyfriend beat the shit out of her in bed because she’s “totally into that thing” and it “spices things up.” Or your son might be the one doing that to someone’s daughter. Man, you should feel proud.

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For all of you bored housewives who just invested in this to “spice things up” – you have bigger problems. I believe in a good marriage, and a good sex life on top of that. Sex is about two people being intimate, being together, and exposing not only everything emotionally about themselves but physically about themselves. You need to fix your marriage emotionally if the sex is boring, not go buy chains for the bedroom. You are putting barriers in between you and your partner; he could have this cheap sex with anyone…like the porn stars for example. I’m so glad you lowered yourself to that level. As much as I love American Horror Story, my bedroom will never resemble the set. If this was just for you, and for “your pleasure” then you are in fact a typical selfish human being. I should bound and gag you, and take you to a women’s shelter, and show you the battered women who bought into this new sex culture too, and are now unfortunately paying for it.

Christian Grey is not romantic; he is psychotic. Sadist Masochism and Domination is not romantic; its dangerous and it used to land people in prison (and sometimes still does.) Would you want your daughter being tied up? Would you want your son controlling some other female’s every move? Would you be proud of that? I know that as a human being, and what I have been created to be that I will always be better than this. I will never have to lower my dignity, or power in that bedroom to enable someone else to help both of our “pleasure.” I know that true romance is about loving someone else, and trying new things doesn’t include me (or him) getting hurt. Maybe it involves a change or scenery or lingerie, or how we are connecting emotionally. Yea, that sounds pretty lame doesn’t it? Well, I’m sorry it doesn’t live up to your rape culture bedroom standards. As for me, I’ll stick to my John Green book, because this man seems to comprehend a true understanding of not only the art of writing, but of love too.

alaskaThat looks like true love and romance to me; and someone I’d rather be with.

Stop pouring your money, time and energy into this horribly written book and movie. That is all.

-haley.

Parental Skills, or Lack There Of.

Mondays have the reputation for notoriously being an issue. Seriously, why can’t there ever just be an easy Monday?

After working with parents so much in so many different environments, you come to the realization that they are life savers, or they suck the life right out of you. I cant help but witness a whole new generation of “Defender Dads” and “Monster Moms” rising from the shadows as this very “babied” environment is getting worse. We don’t raise our children these days…we baby them. You know its correct. Why all these attitudes, out of control teens, and kids who don’t want to accomplish anything?! Because you didn’t do your job. No, I’m not a parent, and it sounds like one hell of a mess to raise a kid. You never really know if you did your “job” correctly, I guess, but your behavior certainly influences what theirs will soon become.

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Going to the doctor’s office for our shots was a dreaded trip, but we were given the stern talking to before. “You can bring a stuffed animal, you can shed a tear, and look away from the shot. If you scream, punch, run, or disrespect the nurse in any way, you’re going to need another shot for your pain.” Ohh, that sounds so mean. Um, no, it’s what is right. So many kids these days are crying just standing on the scale, and these aren’t babies…they are five to ten-year olds. Sometimes the nurses are holding down teenagers who are cussing them out…over a shot. Are you kidding me. Where are the parents? Why are they saying, “Its ok!” while grabbing three suckers to get their kid to calm down? Finally, a mom the other day made an office member hold her twelve month old while she held her eight year old son down while he screamed (like a scene from the exorcist) getting a shot. After that? She blistered him, and apologized to the poor nurse. She was not mean, she was not a child abuser; she was right. Finally! A gift from God! A parent who wants her child to not be a child his whole life! A parent who wants a child to still have to take spelling tests in the first grade, so he can actually write an essay one day successfully instead of talking in bingo language. U kno wut i mean tho? You should stop babying your children into thinking this type of behavior is okay. It is okay to fear a needle, or other things in itself; it is not okay to act a fool in attempt to display the fear. NO.

As a child grows, these issues move into other area’s of their life where parents love to step in. Dating, friend circles, and kid organizations. You know exactly what I mean. The kind where the kid cannot stand alone, because its mother or father is up there the next day to raise hell about a wrong doing. There is a time and a place to yell about a wrong doing to your child; when their safety (mentally or physically) is at risk, or actual bullying. I remember lots of girls attacking me in a ballet class because I was granted a solo song entirely of my creation for a recital. I had been dancing a good nine years, competed in Dallas, multiple training and summer seminars, and I was pro by ten years old you could say. I didn’t want to stand out, but I did earn my solo. You would think with my coming home, and yelling at my mom about how awful these girls were treating me that she would run straight to the director, or the moms themselves and tear them in two; You’d think my dad would too? No. They sat back, and they observed. That was my court, I had to choose exactly which move to make, and how to handle myself. It was my problem to deal with. It pissed me off, but looking back I’m glad not to be embarrassed with the rep of one of “those parents.” They taught me to stand me own ground, and to fight by myself. It showed me what an ass I could be, what I screwed up, and it also taught me right from wrong; It taught me how to fight smart.

dropdeadBecause the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous is totally relevant right now.

These days you have those parents that step over their children, who don’t even earn a say anymore. The parents will take care of everything for them, will fight, will bicker, and you’d think they were in high school themselves. They fight children for their own, instead of coming together to provide what is best for the children in general; Monster Moms and Defender Dads. They are up in everyone’s business making sure everyone’s business becomes their own. They are not cool; they are destructive people who take good things to a considerable halt. They are dangerous within our society, and yes, I know you’ve read articles like where the mom killed the head cheerleader so her daughter could have it. These people are mentally insane, but I see the disease spreading like wildfire in a society where children stay children their whole lives; Children raising children.

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Your child will be strong when it learns to fight its own battles, when they come back with scrapes, and bruises society left upon them. It sucks, this gritty world, and despite your overcompensating behavior, you will not protect them instead you will enable them. They will learn what is right by trying it themselves. Raise your children, and step away. Let them grow out of that child when the time is right, because I’m tired of seeing such a society built upon pity.

Thats all. Song of the Week is How Still My Love by the one and only Stevie Nicks. Also, check out the CONTEST and PARTICIPATE. 😉

-haley.

Medicated Lungs and a Healing Heart.

There are two versions of Haley Ann; Calm, forgiving and accepting Haley, or as I like to call the other side of myself, Hurricane Haley. When my insurance company notified me that my copay for the medication that lets me keep breathing is two thousand and three hundred dollars for a ninety day supply, I really thought we were going to have to rebuild the house; Hurricane Haley was an understatement. At this point, I really shouldn’t be shocked. Healthcare is an over rated, over priced and screwed system that is basically unrealistic, but they know they can nail us anyways because healthcare is necessary. If you have insurance, don’t have insurance, Medicaid, whatever…we’re fucked. Lets just admit it.

Asking a twenty-two year old to pay two grand for a medication makes me laugh. Seriously, lets just start designing my headstone now because I refuse to pay that much. Yea, these companies are brilliant for saving my life, they deserve their part, but I also intend to live my life. Not just to devote my life to my medication that also gives me red patches, swelling, and migraines. I have dreams, like living in New Mexico, buying a new car, moving out, and maybe just maybe attaining a college education. But nah, I’ll just devote my life to my medication…no. Yea, I’m mad that the medication I actually have to have is that expensive, and most people were surprised to find out that if I didn’t find some way to pay for it then I didn’t care. “But Haley, this will heal you!” Yea…it makes my lungs feel better; but Adcirca will never heal me, or make me happy.

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As I have sported on my shirt many many many times before, and repeated myself, it’s an act of Mind Over Matter. Despite how many times you want to deny that, its true. Your medication can only go so far, because scientifically it’s programmed to do such. It doesn’t care about your mood that day, your goals, your loves, or dreams. Its pumped into your body, and does its job until another dosage is necessary. My medication improved my life, and yea kinda saved my life, but I had to save my own life with a different kind of healing. My medication was doing the best job it possibly could, and I still wanted to die for a long time, so I refused to take it. See? Your mind is in control. Patients; it really is all in your head. You are not crazy, your disease is not some “illusion” but if you cannot keep yourself emotionally and mentally happy, and at peace your body will not follow. It has to work together.

I got mad about my two thousand dollar copay, and for a moment actually worried. But I know that I heal myself in a completely different way. I know that dancing for my creator, thanking him for the food he provided, the new life, the four winds (ridiculous Texas winds) that he gave us to maintain all four seasons, and the beautiful animals and nature is healing to me. I know he listens to not only the drumming, and the rattling on the dance floor, but my prayers as well thanking him for allowing me to physically do these dances with people I love despite the aching in my body I feel towards the end. Yes, my body hurts, my heart works harder than it should, and my lungs want to cave in; but I am thrilled. I know you all have different ways of feeling spiritually satisfied, and alive; well then act on it, and actually live within it. I am healed spiritually, and will depend on my medication to do its part; but my soul will lead the way.

-haley.

@haleyann92

Song of the Week is Thirteen by Big Star. My heart just needs to process it. Check it out under the tab!