So, the month of April and May have almost killed me. Not only am I physically trying to keep up, but mentally as well. Enough about those hardships! As I stroll through aisles of local stores, I’m starting to see graduation caps everywhere, and hearing my sister get her graduation stuff together just sends me into a flashback about what I was doing four years ago…I was probably serving burgers, and would be till around eleven o’clock at night. I was just as tired, just as stressed, and really had no idea what world I was about to enter into. I was lucky enough to be walking around yet even that was a task, and all these other seniors made it look so easy. Damn them. I just didn’t understand the difference in their bodies, and mine. Why they were lucky, and why I was breathless.
It’s a fascinating thought that from day one, we were born into a body; a body in which we’ve spent more time with than anyone else in our lives. We know the creases, age defying marks, bumps, and scars…we think we know everything. Truth is, we don’t. Our body makes attempts to communicate with us, and sometimes we listen subconsciously. Our body is really in itself its own being that we were put into, and it deserves its own upkeep. It’s really an amazing machine that we have to polish, wash, be gentle with, listen to, and treat right…even then it can still fall apart, and fool us.
I had no idea my heart was huge; no one did. I had no idea my lungs were decrepit, and formed wrong. I had no idea I had about the same internal age of a seventy year old…my own self didn’t know of these secrets. My body tried, no one listened, so I decided not to either. Four years ago when I was buying my graduation gown, when I was walking across that stage, all I could think was “I am tired, and I can not breathe.” I wasn’t thinking about college, scholarships didn’t cross my mind (who could think about that when there was so much sleep to be caught up on?), I wasn’t even thinking about how happy my teachers were that this cranky, almost failing, defiant student was finally exiting. I really didn’t want to think at all. I wanted to marry my then boyfriend, I wanted answers, and despite what answers I got I wanted to live happily ever after. My answers came a little over a month later along with needles, surgeries, swollen ankles, medication, and doctors. There was no ring, cute apartment, supportive guy, or amazing university. I still can’t look at a graduation cap because that’s how horrible that time was. I still can’t bear the thought of listening to “pomp and circumstance” because it throws me back to shattering dreams. Eventually my heart shrank, my medication worked, and after all the IV’s were pulled out and doctors stepped away, there was just me…still alive almost four years later, something they thought my body would never let me do. Happily Ever After.
PS- Song of the week is the amazing “Love Never Felt So Good”. I’m beyond impressed, MJ!! Also, new contest. Check it out under the contest tab!