Personal Life

Red Cry: The Holocaust of Native Americans.

I wanted to write about something heavy on my mind. Its going to be a tough one to even cover, but it needs to finally happen. This post is not to intentionally hurt anyone, as they have hurt me, but rather display cold hard facts.

Growing up, my family literally did everything. My mom was a nurse, helped run a floral shop, my dad was a full-time paramedic, and my siblings have done just about every activity under the sun. Some of my earliest memories of my brother and I were at his “Kwahadi” dance practices. What did I just say? Kwahadi was the name given to our Texas Panhandle Native American dancers by the elders of the Comanche Nation. I was incredibly young (three or four) but absolutely fascinated by this culture that my family was honored to be a part of. By seven years old I could sing, and dance just about every thing we performed, and we were traveling all over the United States (my brother went to other countries) to show our Native side. This was an extremely crucial, and important part in my family history. We learned, researched, and honored this culture together. We absolutely to this day love it.¬†I love how in the “Holocaust of Native Americans” documentary it states that you don’t need to be full, half, 3/4 of whatever blood. If you grew up doing this, if you love it, respect it, learn it, then you are welcome. You are one of us. It was fantastic to hear those words. I identify heavily with the Native American culture, rituals, traditions, and even beliefs. In my eyes they are very real, and they are felt very deep. Most people when they watch, or listen comment on how “weird” it can look. How is that not beautiful? How are those hand beaded dresses, and spiritual dances weird? I can’t even understand that comment even if it is your first time to see.

IMG_3197A young Haley in red–Jingle Dress Dancer

As a young kid, I always heard about the persecution of Native Americans, but of course with my age, never paid much attention. Until I was older did I start to fully understand what exactly happened, who did this, why it happened, and what a shocking yet disturbing reality it is. Did this really happen in my country? Recently I was introduced to a documentary called Red Cry, and it was a definite eye opener. I began researching, watching just about every documentary I could get my hands on, and my way of thinking has forever changed on holidays we celebrate, things we learned in school, and the false realities text books continue to feed us. It was just shocking. By no means will I go into those details, because that is not the aim of this blog post. What exactly is?

Many people have used the word holocaust to describe what happened to Native Americans. Am I one of them? Yes. Many people use the word genocide. Are they right? Yes. However, I am having trouble identifying why I find that this argument exists in the first place. Native Americans were hunted like animals, slaughtered despite their age, or sex, left dying, starved, and men were awarded metals for this insanity. Years later, Native children were removed from their homes, and put into “schools” whose mission were to “kill the Indian, save the man.” Children were beaten, raped, emotionally tortured, and murdered. They still continue to endure economic loss, and needs are ignored by the government. Are we shocked, really? Who cares what word we use to describe these horrific events? It is exactly what it is. A holocaust, a genocide, a persecution, and an extreme loss to America. I dare you to take your so-called knowledge to a Native, and tell them that what their family, and ancestors endured, and continue to endure was not in fact a holocaust. That is beyond disrespectful. You can not flip through a text-book written by our government, and expect to understand, or comprehend what these people endured. I can’t even comprehend it, and I never will. There is no competition to put a name on the sadness, suffering, persecution, loss, and murder that happened to our indigenous people. The knowledge of these events are not in text; The knowledge of these events died with those people.

Respect Native culture.


Life With PH

I Have No Fear; I Have Only Love.

Isn’t it crazy that after a while we don’t even feel alive anymore? After diagnosis, we spend almost every day of our lives PHighting to stay alive, yet after all this exhausting work we don’t even feel alive. We are numb; numb to hospitals, numb to needles, numb to bad news, and eventually numb to any type of emotion that requires work. How do we find ourselves on the track to living life, and feeling alive once again? Lets work on that this week.


Obviously when we have to “fight” for things in our life we get pretty tired. Putting up a fight, I mean, doesn’t that prove our love for something? Fighting to stay alive because it’s so precious, fighting to keep someone in our lives because we love them so much, fighting to prove our points, fighting off feelings? Soon, you just realize there is too much fight, and not enough life. I think this society has glamorized “fighting” for things, as if it’s so “sweet”, and makes it seem worth it. What about relaxing? What about enjoying life? What about things unfolding organically, and naturally? What about someone who you don’t have to work on keeping in your life? That sounds pretty brilliant to me. Let me put it this way; I’ve fought for pretty much everything, including my life, obviously. I’ll be doing that the rest of my time until these medical geniuses find a cure. I don’t have time to fight for anything else. That goes for people who aren’t even suffering from some type of disease.

Life is so incredibly short. The only things you should be fighting off are dark feelings, dark people, dark demons, and of course for what you believe in. Dont confuse that with fighting for other people. Fighting for them to be present, fighting for them to understand, and fighting for them to love you. There is no time, no energy, and nothing else that needs to be wasted on fighting. I will not fight a feeling; if I have it, I express it, and what happens from there happens. I don’t drown my feelings out, I feel them full on no matter how awful they may be. How I deal with that is a different story. I wont fight to prove a point, I merely state my point, and I’m done. Above all, I will never fight to keep anyone, no matter how important, in my life. I only have so much room in my heart, and that’s precious. I caught myself these past two weeks fighting for other people, fighting feelings, and fighting against myself. Never again. Let life happen. Feel Free. I feel pretty alive right now, and I’m not fighting; not one bit.


Check out the NEW contest, and our song of the week Gypsy by Fleetwood Mac.


Check It Out.

A post on a Saturday?! I shocked myself. This weekend will definitely be full of rest, relaxation, research and organization. I have a lot going on, and I guess I just need to focus myself to be able to give absolutely 100% on everything. Next week I really want to do a series I’ve been thinking on. Life has been so down, so blah, and I really think most everyone is suffering from spring fever. We want to get out, and live life, yet we aren’t quite there yet. The weather needs to catch up to our moods, and quite frankly until then, it’ll be up to us to change our moods. With everything going on, and things we have to manage and balance, we can feel quite dead inside. So, next week we are going to learn about “Feeling Alive!” Wooooo-hoo. And yes, finally, you have another contest you can participate in at your chance to win a T-shirt, and a surprise mystery item!! Stay tuned loves, and check out the contest tab for more info. ūüôā Have a lovely Saturday!

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

Also, my friends, please support a group very dear to my heart! Find them on Facebook and Instagram to show your support, or even consider visiting!    @kwahadi_dancers

Thank youuuuuuu!

Personal Life

Silencing Thoughts.

I guess when you have been “up” for so long, the very second you realize you’re “down” for the first time in a while, it’s a hell of a fall, and it hurts.

Tonight was the first time my stomach shriveled into a little ball, and wanted to be anywhere but locked up inside this body. After hours of attempting to try on “summer” clothes, I gave up, storming out of the store with “workout” gear instead. I drove around for hours today trying to shake my body conscious thoughts, but I felt it eating my mind alive. Upon arriving at home with a salad, and new diet pills, I did some extensive research on getting published which is pretty much a road block for anyone who isn’t someone. Over, and over again I felt attacked by the repetitive negative feelings, and found myself held a prisoner. For the first time in months, the whole idea of suicide was once again dancing around in my mind. What a silencing thought.


I honestly don’t know how we get to this point, or how powerful such negative emotions can be. It’s ridiculous that even when we feel happy, or positive, it almost never holds a candle to what negativity can do. The dark, the horrible, is just so destructive. What amazes me, and what is viciously dangerous, are people who can hide it. People who can swallow back the pain until they are so numb that they do not feel the effects of¬† a knife sliding across their wrist, a bullet going through their skull, or a noose snapping their neck. Thats what is scary, are the people who suffer in silence, and the people who don’t state the obvious for them. Suicide is not only terrifying for the individual going through the actions, but also for the friends or family who will be left standing to plan a funeral. What you are doing is vitally important.

Now, with that being said, no I am not fine, and no I am not okay.¬†Eventually, I will be, but until then that is the dumbest question to ask. Your job is to show support to anyone who can’t be themselves because they hate who they are so much. Your job is not to say vague phrases, and hope that ignoring the harsh yet truthful words they need to hear will help. Your job is to not criticize, or judge. Your job is not to throw things in their face for them to “deal” with. Your job is not to make us feel different, or “special” in any way. We don’t know what makes us this way, we just now that we are this way and it hurts. Dont make us hurt anymore than we have to; help us heal.


PH Fashion

Fashion Friday: Always On Time, Sort Of?

Well, here’s a little post to lighten things up on the blog. My views will never change, and its so refreshing to see y’alls comments, and sharing your stories with me. I love to see that there are real people out there that had to deal with real problems.

Moving forward! As always!

Happy Fashion Friday! After all this nasty talk, fashion is a for sure cheer up. Lately, I’ve gotten so many compliments and just people in general noticing my giant gold watch. I’m not kidding when I said its giant. I was super inspired by my favorite fashion vlogger, Claire Marshall, and the giant gold watch always on her wrist.

photo(12)As seen here, and her lovely cat Bruce! Y’all can follow her on Instagram or Youtube @heyclaire

When I was still working in retail a couple of months ago, there was a mens watch, gold, huge, and everything I needed. I, of course snagged it up, and I absolutely love it! Yes, its HUGE, but its fabulous. Claire’s I think is in fact a mens watch as well. Anyways, back to actually wearing the watch. A watch should be versatile, as well as add a sophisticated touch to your wardrobe. I hate seeing the giant colored ones, and what not (unless you are Betsey Johnson), so always keep your wardrobe in mind. Nina Garcia frequently wears mens watches as well because its very chic for a woman to be able to wear a mens wardrobe with elegance, and it can even be a tease. Hints the 80’s look that slammed our runways around ’84, and is still popular these days.


I love my gold watch. Keep your eyes peeled, and if you find a mens you love do not be afraid to throw it into your wardrobe. Chic and sophistication at its finest. Thank you to my wonderful co-worker, Anthony, who had to take a billion links out of it to fit. Have a fantastic Fashion Friday my loves!


Personal Life

Warning: Adult Content, and Personal Opinions.

Ok, this is about to be a full on opinionated, debatable, harsh, make people mad type of post. If you cannot handle it, or deal with it, then please stop now. I have avoided, avoided, and avoided this post because It should never be the focus of my blog. Negativity should never be the focus, but reality is. The blog has my name on it, and this is my view. The end.
The other day, I found a nasty pin on Pinterest that was the typical “pro life everyone is a murderer” type of pin. My anger got the best of me, and I commented how disgraceful it was. This persons profile of course had a bible verse on her description, as well as all this other “stuff” that immediately made her an identifiable Jesus follower. Except, I can’t call her that. I downright can not call this person a follower of Jesus in my eyes. She can, her family and friends can, but I’m going to tell you why I can’t.
“Well Haley, you don’t KNOW her.” You’re right, I don’t. But by the words she proceeded to type to me, I definitely know where she stands. She said “I hope you seek the mercy you deserve/need” or whatever. This is exactly what is wrong with our world. We are so stuck in our ways, our views, our opinions that we don’t have love, sympathy, or compassion for any other human. I am a pro choice person. There; there is the “ugly” truth. I believe it is in fact your body, and it is no one else’s decision, or a politicians decision on such a personal thing of what you will do with YOUR uterus. With that being said, I think if you have a perfectly capable body to deliver a child, but don’t want it, please consider adoption. People like me would LOVE to adopt. Also, getting rid of safe abortion options, leads to unsafe “back alley” ones. So all in all, I am PRO CHOICE. I am also pro adoption, pro birth control, pro abstinence, pro reality, and pro women’s right to choose.

freedomThis will never be a free country, until these assholes mind their own business.

However, after my Pinterest encounter with this person, apparently all people who are “pro choice” are whores, sluts, and murderers. Even pulmonary hypertension patients that have an 85% mortality rate when they are pregnant. Even the PH patients that have husbands, merely wanted a child, but know her body has a slim chance of making it. Most PH patients die within 35 days of delivery. What about birth control? Oh, we can’t be on that either because we already have a risk of blood clotting, stroke and heart attack on our own. So what are us “sluts” and “murderers” suppose to do? Are we supposed to carry through with this baby because they made it a law, so then we end up leaving a grieving husband and family with no wife OR child?
Bottom line, carrying a child will NEVER be anyone else’s decision except for the mothers uterus it’s in. Oh, and what did the girl on the pin say when I told her our side of the story? “That’s an extremely rare thing that’s even unavoidable.” Oh my. Honey, you are talking to the “rare thing.” I’m sorry about this post. I’m so tired of slut shaming, judgement, and being so stuck that you cannot appreciate people. All you do is turn your nose up, call them names, and tell them they need mercy? Like we don’t feel that enough as a HUMAN? These type of “Christians” have put such a horrible taste in my mouth. I hope the Jesus you are following is a tremendously different Jesus that I’ve heard of, and ever want to follow.
Everyone is SO WORTH LOVING. Just stop. You have your opinions, but you have no mercy, no bible quote, and no ground to stand on when you can look at someone, and call them a slut, and murder without knowing them. I hope you seek the “mercy” you in fact “deserve.” I don’t want to know you. Ever.

Life With PH, PH Fashion, PH Health

Hello Spring Break.

Finally, I have a decent amount of free time. Rocco and I are loving just vegging out at home. First off, I just wanted to say thank you to those who have submitted their pic for the PH Pets contest! There is still one day left! Check out the contest tab for more info. Also, I wanted to say a HUGE THANK YOU to anyone who has ever clicked on this page, commented, voted, liked, shared, or supported. It means so incredibly much to be the winner of the Pulmonary Hypertension Association 2014 Young Outstanding PH Citizen Award. I’ll be at the conference in Indianapolis to receive the award, on top of all other functions, and I cant wait to meet y’all!

Moving on…

Since we’re broke as a joke, Rocco and I will not be hitting the beach, the mountains, or a resort. However, we are determined to make this a fantastic spring break. So here are some things to keep y’all busy my loves, and feeling fresh!


I’m not saying go run some laps, but as a heart and lung patient, it is important to keep yourself as healthy as possible. Unless being told by the doctor, you should do everything possible to stay active without putting yourself in dangerous health situations. I used to be a dancer, so I will always have that love deep in my failing heart. I absolutely love Yoga, and pilates. If you can, start with simple Sun Salutations to your favorite (relaxed) music. I choose Frank Ocean sometimes, for all you young kiddos out there. If you’re wearing oxygen, make sure you have a long cannula so you can set your oxygen down, and move like so without choking yourself out. The goal is to control your breathing during these movements, and to keep your muscles controlled, and head and neck STRAIGHT (aka, mountain pose.) Do not bend your head and neck. Also, squeeze your gut to maintain your balance. If you choose to do hip opening exercises (they feel AMAZING but will PULL a lot at first), they will work on releasing all the tension in your hips. Women carry a ton of stress in our hips, so opening and loosening these muscles will feel fantastic after a while, and you may even notice yourself emotional after this exercise. Remember, do NOT do this before bed thinking you’ll tire yourself out. Your body will release endorphins to make you feel great, energized, and refreshed, which will do the exact opposite. Do these in the mornings to help yourself wake up. ūüôā




Spring cleaning is underway! It’s proven that when our physical lives are cluttered, we feel literally cluttered, and stressed. It takes a lot to be able to get on here, post, respond, and stay on track on top of working, and what not. I feel like I don’t have time to clean, but I promise, it’s all about time management. Take some time each day to work on one side of your house,¬† or room. The other day I completely cleaned my room, and today I brushed Rocco’s winter coat off of him, and gave him a flea treatment. It’s the little things to get out-of-the-way that will truly help!

photo(2)Where the magic happens. Ha, just kidding, sort of.


Yes, feel the sunshine on your skin, breathe actual fresh air, put down the phone, and gadgets! Social media has been killing me lately. Today, the weather has warmed up (almost the 70’s), and sister and I are taking advantage by going and walking! If there wasn’t wildfires, I would be in Palo Duro Canyon. Anyways, get outside and DO something. Unless, its snowing…BUT, if there is sunshine, you should be under it!

mountainsThrowback to being in my mountain home.


Of course, my favorite, unfortunately. Drive to your favorite place, vintage shop, or even shop online if you have the resources. If you’re in a tight spot, one of my favorite things to do that is shopping, but doesn’t cost a dime is shopping online, but only putting your favorite items into a wish list! When you eventually hit payday, all your favorites are there to choose from. I’m excited, because I just ordered a fabulous shirt from So Worth Loving. Check them out!


Enjoy this new season approaching us loves! Stay tuned for more to come this week on some more serious issues, as well as PH fun! Our song of the week? Better by Saint Pepsi. Soooo catchy.


Follow Haley on Instagram! @haleyann92