Just a Reflection.

BeautyLife has been exceptionally, ridiculously and stupidly hard this week. And I have literally just HAD it when it comes to a lot of issues.

I DO have more than 99 problems and b*tches are a lot of them, pardon the language. I’ve had a realization that people are just people…non dependable, two-faced and when its time to helping you out… consider that a “no go.” I guess when it comes to the general public, don’t expect much. There a very few that actually care about you and want to help you in any way you can, and those people deserve to be cherished. The others are just trying to step on you to climb to the top or drag you down to their level cause they can’t go up. Screw that.

I think I’ve said it a hundred times that If I could only work with just kids and didn’t have to talk to any adults all day, I’d be happy. I can’t believe how much joy they give me with their stories, gifts, smiles and just love in general. They truly care and do anything they can to show you that. I’ve found myself more attached this year than I was last year (maybe because loving them is a bigger responsibility than teaching them) and it’s just making it very hard to let go and come home to an empty house. I’m just so ready to have my own kiddo’s running around this place as crazy as that sounds. I think I’d rather have that than a husband. HA! I wish people realized how beautiful children are, what a gift they have been given to have them in their daily life and raise them into full powered adults that they should be. Wow. Just wow.

Yes it appears that this was an awfully negative post but for me it’s just a reflection of what this week has been. Sorry y’all. I hope I get out of this funk soon. Until then, just be accepting and loyal. And most importantly just LOVE people. Please.

-haley.

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The Walking Dead.

As a Pulmonary Hypertension patient you struggle with an invisible disease which makes this even more work. Sometimes I wish our flesh would melt away and the public could literally see our heart working it’s life away. People need to witness this life claiming monster that exists on the inside. Do you really understand what the PH patient in your life is dealing with? I’m sorry, I wish you did.

jonathondrawing

Done by an amazing local artist. Thank you Jonathon, you are incredible.

I guess to me it’s frustrating because I don’t want to make excuses for myself or use PH, but I’m coming to the realization that there will be days like this. Some are worse than others, however there are some things that just don’t go away. Pulmonary Hypertension patients aren’t lazy, we honestly just can’t keep up like everyone else. We are pushing just to get simple things in life done and when you create a workload on top of that exhaustion will strike. Low oxygen levels can cause all sorts of dysfunction throughout the body. Number one, obviously our breathing. When I’m getting ready in the morning it is true work putting my arms above my head. Washing my hair, applying makeup, and just styling my hair becomes complicated. I find myself sitting in my bathroom floor, so I can catch my breath. Even after a successful recovery I’m still doing this everyday, why? Exactly. My body will never be your body.

Fresh out of high school I knew I wanted to be in the medical field because I grew up with it, and thought I was 100% meant for it. When I graduated and finally got into college I tried majoring in Radiography. Yea, didn’t enjoy that at all, and later switched to my ultimate favorite, Paramedicine. My dad flipped his lid (since he is a paramedic) and kept telling me “You cannot do this job Haley.” Finally I realized I can’t work the fourteen hour shifts, and lift two hundred pound patients all day. I felt like this was one more thing my PH took away from me…until I was introduced to my kids. 🙂 But even walking around all day taking care of those crazies, I come home and CRASH. I fall dead asleep for at least three hours. No alarm, person, firing squad or tornado can open my eye lids. I don’t even know how to explain this pure exhaustion. My body can only go so long on a short amount of oxygen, then after a while it needs to re-charge itself. So, am I an old lady? Pretty much because I will find a way to get my nap. It’s not even a choice anymore, it’s happening.

Can you believe all the things having low oxygen can do to a person? Memory, motor skills, clear thinking, energy, concentration and endurance are all affected. There are many other things we struggle with, but you need to grasp the concept that our bodies work extra hard, and do twice the work just to stay alive. Then we pay a ridiculous amount of money to insurance, doctors and pharmacies to just stay alive. We feel like we give a quite literally meaning to the walking dead. Don’t even let the thought of us “just being lazy” cross your mind. You have no idea what we’re doing to keep up with you. Don’t walk a mile in our shoes, breathe a day with our lungs.

-haley.

Follow Haley on Instagram! haleyann92

Movie Monday: A Little Bit of Heaven.

So I’m doing a Movie Monday post because I was just moved at yet another diagnosis movie I discovered Friday night.

Scrolling through my Netflix suggestions out of pure desperation and boredom, a title actually caught my eye which is rare. I don’t how Netflix gathers data then actually suggests the movies it does for me because they are so far off it isn’t even funny y’all. Anyways, it had Kate Hudson on the cover and I’ve always loved her bubbly personality and on numerous occasions, have fantasized about having her out of control curly hair. The title was “A Little Bit of Heaven” and when I read the description I thought I would give it a try.

littlebitofheaven

In the beginning it seemed like every other girly movie, until she finally makes a doctor appointment to find a reason for some weight loss and other bad symptoms. After tests are done, she’s given the news that she has colon cancer that’s almost untreatable. The whole movie is just her accepting her disease, planning for a funeral, dealing with family, love and trying to understand death. I’m surprised I remembered all the details with how much I spent the movie crying, but HEY! I do remember her doctor who happens to be ridiculously hot. Where in the hell is my hot doctor who I could fall in love with?! Just saying…

I think it’s great to run across movies about young people fighting diseases because it gives the world somewhat of a glimpse of what we fight with in real life. It’s no 50/50 but it was good. 3 out of 5 stars for me y’all. Check it outttttt.

-haley.

Fashion Friday: Pulmonary Hypertension Awareness Day Outfit

Pulmonary Hypertension official Awareness day is May 5th! Woo-Hoo! To celebrate this day we may be out speaking to people about this disease, attending conferences or even visiting with patients. Whatever you happen to be doing we need to be dressed for the occasion looking spectacular while representing this rare disease.

Its spring y’all! I love dresses so incredibly much and they can be just so easy rather than finding a top, pants or cardigans. Throw it on and you are ready to go! I found this perfect little spring dress on Modcloth (of course – they are the best place for any kind of dress) and it happens to be the PH Awareness color. The lace on top definitely sets the vintage vibe and with all this detail on the neck we wont have any need for a necklace. Also, with the cut of the dress we are already getting a super professional look.

Fashion Friday Dress

Can be found on modcloth.com

Shoes? Well for a professional or maybe even an evening look heels are a must. Seriously, are y’all shocked right now? Anyways. These Jessica Simpsons are perfect because they are keeping the “lightness” or spring quality about the look. And hello, with big ‘ol platforms like these your feet are likely to hurt less and you will look skinny. If you want to switch to a casual or I’m running around town all day look, then throw on some white or silver strappy sandals.

Fashion Friday Shoes

Can be found on jessicasimpson.com

Jewelry is going to be tricky. As stated before, we don’t need a necklace with all the lace detail already on our neck. So we can go all out when it comes to earrings (which I love to do). Lets throw on big silver chandelier earrings and call it good! When it comes to bracelets or watches, layer up with some dainty and elegant white or silver bracelets. This white Fossil watch definitely completes the professional look.

Fashion Friday Earrings

Earrings by NATASHA found at Dillards

Fashion Friday Watch

Fossil Watch found at Dillards

And of course we need a fabulous bag! Whenever I’m looking for one I always look for a Betsey first! I just love her. I found this little girly beauty on her website. Yes, it has gold but it wont be too much to ruin the outfit. The big bow adds to the girly look and there just isn’t much more to say about this amazing lady and her style. 🙂

Fashion Friday Purse

Betsey Johnson Purse can be found on betseyjohnson.com

I hope y’all enjoyed this very belated Fashion Friday! PLEASE promote this rare disease over the weekend. So many lives are lost each year to this invisible disease and it’s time that people start seeing it for what it is! MAKE PULMONARY HYPERTENSION VISIBLE!!

-haley.

Follow Haley on Instagram  haleyann92

Second Best? I Dont Think So.

 Live FreeLife has been super frustrating lately basically because I’ve been given many opportunities to just “settle”. With personal relationships, shopping, choosing friends…anything. And then I woke up and realized this is just life. Everyday we’re tempted with something that makes us think “Are we really worth having something better, or should I just take this cause something else may not come along?” Yea UM NO. You should never settle for any big decisions that are greatly going to impact your life. However, if Starbucks ran out of Raspberry flavoring, I think you’ll be fine settling for your second best favorite.

There will be bigger and better opportunities or this one could be it. But how do you know which is which? And that’s what I’ve been struggling with. When I was first diagnosed I was put on Revatio (viagra) three times daily. This was a very unsuccessful treatment and so my doctor decided on a harsher pill that would eventually give me liver problems. Seriously y’all, to even get another dose I would have to submit a liver exam and pregnancy test. Ridiculous. And not to mention expensive. My dad and I knew there had to be something else out there, so we traveled to a specialist about 9 hours away who then discovered an easier successful treatment for me. Great thing about it? I was reacting extremely well and it was such a simple pill. And I’m still reacting to it today so much in fact they had to take the dosage down. I didn’t settle for a hard-core treatment because this is my body and my money we’re talking about.

 Personal relationships are just as important. When it comes to friends, boyfriends and girlfriends you don’t have to take whatever is around. I have a couple really close friends and some amazing  co-workers. And I feel that’s all I really need. I didn’t settle for these friends, and I didn’t decide on their friendship cause there was nothing better to do. They’ve stuck around through thick and thin and see me for exactly what I am. And when it comes to boyfriends and girlfriends…OH MY. This is where you see people give in the most and when it comes to this category it can impact you the most. It’s very hard after a long time relationship and vicious breakup to fall for the most smooth talking guy. Yea, you need to evaluate the silver-tongued devil extremely carefully. I’ve come across many over a year of being single and I could’ve just given in and gotten hurt but instead I backed off and learned my lesson. Sure, it hurt to realize they were only players but it hurts much less than getting extremely involved. Take your time and see them for exactly what they are. Quoting Doris Day from Pillow Talk, “You can fight it, or you can give in and go to bed with it. I intend to fight it!”

Overall, when it comes to anything remotely important…lets say buying a car and up. Don’t settle. And when it comes to knowing  if it’s the real deal? Well in my opinion you’ll just know. There wont be any question, hesitation or red flags. And they shouldn’t be treating you as if you’re ordinary. It’s not worth it to settle, because you’ll have the pain and regret as well as the exhaustion from cleaning up the mess it made. Life isn’t about settling because that my friends, is not happiness.

-haley.

Follow Haley on Instagram  haleyann92