As many of you know I just got back from Houston! I was visiting my lovely specialist and of course I had a heart cath done. But before that, there was a ton of confusion and craziness.
Thank goodness my best friend Candice decided to tag along and made this trip enjoyable! She was right there (along with my dad) to hear everything the doctors said and of course take pictures. And believe me, we shopped like crazy. At the appointment I told my doctor about a recent episode I had (the first one in years) along with all the exhaustion I’ve been having. She decided to look at the veins in my neck then made an off comment. When she came back into the room I only had one question to ask. “Am I in heart failure?” She made a face accompanied with “Well…” and I instantly flipped out and broke down. For the first time ever this disease actually scared me and it was an insane thing to experience.
From day one this disease has never really scared me, which is hard to imagine considering all the news you’re given. But for some reason, it just hasn’t. I’ve always felt like normal “Haley” that could never have anything happen to me. Yes it’s probably part of the being young and invincible mentality but oh well. For a doctor to see something in me then hesitate telling me that I’m in heart failure sent me into a shock I’ve never experienced before. I no longer knew what confidence was, IF I was going to live long at all and what my funeral would be like. Every second, every word and every action for this whole day became questionable. I was also extremely nervous for my heart cath because this would give us the concrete evidence if I was in fact in heart failure. And at that point I began to think “What happens after heart failure at twenty?”
Needless to say the next day in the heart cath, we found out my pressures are even lower and everything is fine. But it definitely re-opened my eyes that Pulmonary Hypertension can grow on you and after a while you get use to it. It becomes something you live with daily. The needles, doctors, medication and hospitals get old and you somewhat forget how serious of a situation you’re in. I guess always take it seriously because you never know when your body could suddenly reject treatment and before you know it you’re trying to keep your head above rising water. Heart failure scared the living crap out of me for about a day and now it sits forever in the back of my mind. You should always remember this risk, however don’t become a burden to yourself. Live your life and don’t forget what you are capable of. Be aware of your disease, but don’t let it take all the power away from you.
Recovery has been great along with all the support! Thank you for the stories as well as all the nice things y’all have been saying. It makes this disease a little easier to PHight and I am enjoying all the comments. Never hesitate to contact me or ask me anything. I am here for support too! Enjoy the rest of y’alls week as well as the weekend!
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