So my loves, a new year is approaching which for some reason is causing me to want even MORE tattoos. I’m getting a black cat put on my side soon, but I was also thinking about a possible wrist tattoo to cover up some scarring. For a long time I suffered from “cutting” which has my left wrist looking a hot mess.
People hear cutting and they automatically think “emo” and suicidal ridiculousness. Unfortunately some people do this for attention purposes but others who really do question their existence are absolutely tortured. This is definitely a complicated and touchy subject that I don’t even know how to write about. My suicidal thoughts started in middle school, but I didn’t start cutting till I was 16. People think cutting is just some silly act, but its a process that takes working through to get over. I don’t know exactly where it starts, but for me cutting was almost a release of emotional tension. Things would build up to a point where I felt that cutting would make it better. It was a way to punish myself for all the things that were going on around me, because I’m the type of person where I felt like everything was my fault. Forever I hid cutting and finally my two best friends found out and were extremely supportive which started the healing process. And even though they were both so loving, they can’t actually fix everything which brought up the subject of therapy. Holy moly. My therapist was absolutely fantastic and still is! He taught me to change my thinking process and how to slowly stop the self-abuse and reasons to still stay alive. But he taught me how to do that for myself, not through him brain washing me.
I still havent got it all figured out, but I haven’t cut in two months which is great progress. People that suffer from suicide, cutting or anything related should not feel cut down or like they should be ashamed. It’s a horrific mental struggle and any little thing can set it off and you shouldn’t feel even worse about what you’re struggling with, nor should you be with people who make you feel worse. Finding a great therapist is the first step into the process. Something else that was extremely healing for me was Matthew 5:4 from the bible, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” which brings me back to the wrist tattoo – and that’s what it would be. That verse was extremely comforting and relatable in itself. To Write Love on Her Arms is another fantastic thing to read on, realizing that cutting, self-abuse and suicide is something that people actually need help with understanding, not only those who suffer from it but people who have others in their life who are suffering and how to help them. Whether it’s helping yourself or someone else, you play a vital role.
This shirt I found is absolutely AMAZING which happens to be on the website. I think it’s a cool change from the original logo and I thought I would share how inspirational it is. Bottom line, these thoughts and actions do not make you crazy nor should you be ashamed. There is hope and you are loved. It’s a bad day (or couple of days) and not a bad life. Its been a long time to get past everything from getting diagnosed with a rare disease to a horrible breakup but I managed to put the knife down one day. I promise hope is alive, and you should stay that way too.