minds

Well, Lets Just Throw This Out Here.

Mental health is the hardest thing to treat, accept, live with, and discuss. Mainly because these days everyone loves to throw the “crazy” word around, and leave it be. It’s so much easier to just toss people aside for an illness we cannot understand, and for something that seems too difficult to grasp. Most people are frightened by mental illness, so its much easier to make fun of it, or ignore it. When I was first diagnosed, I did not understand my own feelings. I could not comprehend my frequent change in mood, why I felt the way I did, and what I was suffering from. Once I did understand the mental side to my health (straight up anger), my body soon followed into a successful recovery. As I will always say, life is a state of mind over matter. If you can mentally square yourself away, then maybe just maybe you will make it. But mental health is an everyday battle. It will never just be “fixed.” Things happen, you will be exposed to new things, maybe injuries or even medication will constantly alter your mental state. So before that tacky “crazy” word comes sputtering out of your mouth, lets sink ourselves into what exactly its like to suffer from being trapped in your own mind, or just from living with yourself.

You are constitutionally incapable of turning ‘you’ off. | Community Post: 33 Signs You Are Jess Day From

I have existed within a state of anxiety since I can remember. Anything would set me off, from parting from my parents for a few hours, reading a book, or even watching Alice in Wonderland. I don’t know why I have anxiety, but as I have grown older, the disease has grown too. My brain works the way that it does, and I have to do my best to live a functional life. Seeking out help a year ago, I visited my primary doctor asking for advice. He started me on a very low dosage of Xanax because he was frightened how it would work with my respiratory system seeing as how I have this incurable, fatal respiratory disease. Moving on, I was also sent to have a pysch evaluation at my request to make sure I was okay which I was then just formally diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder. I was given two higher dosages of Xanax. I began taking them because I was supposed to – got sleepy but that was a whatever thing to me. Then I became taking them during panic attacks, or when I knew I was about to go into what I thought was a stressful situation. Then I started taking two, or three, or more. By last month I was too tired to even walk across my house. I wasn’t remembering parts of my day, having trouble separating dreams from reality, and I was blacking out throughout the day. When I didn’t have my pills I was anxious, restless, emotional, and well, unbearable in my mind.

Yes, I am a Xanax addict. I thought of the brilliant idea (ha. ha. ha.) that I would try to not take any while I attended Gathering of Nations at the end of April. I was surrounded by my culture I loved, busy with shopping, dancing, friends, music…I was ecstatic until about thirty minutes into it. There were millions of people there, it was hot, I was stressed by emotional triggers, and there was no Xanax in site. Fourteen hours into the Pow-Wow (yes, they go on forever, and we were there that long) I had spiked a fever, was nauseated, irritable, shaky, sweating, short of breath just from sitting down, and weak. It didn’t stop there, of course. I had no medication to “numb” my brain. My brain hadn’t had to think in a long time, in fact it at this point was used to just shutting off. Every feeling I was finally feeling, I was experiencing on the highest level. I felt alone, scared, shut away and suicidal; and yes I relapsed a week later.

mental illness affects 1 in 4, its the leading cause of death in young canadians; sylvia plath <3

This detox, and attempt to get away from a drug that calms me (in probably not the best way possible) has been a painful one. Not only physically, but mentally. Mental illnesses are the worst because they are our literal being. The are the reason, and voices in our head that decide exactly what we do; so when you spat your mouth off about how we are the way we are, it’s not just a hurtful thing in itself…but its destructive to us, and we already want to destroy ourselves. We have to live with ourselves, and anyone can find a million reasons why they dislike or even hate themselves. To hear it from someone confirms with the little red man inside of us that maybe, just maybe it isn’t worth it to keep fighting the big fight. Maybe everyone else already won, and we are eternally the losers.

Quote on mental health: Not every disability is visible. www.HealthyPlace.com

I try really hard to be truthful with people, mainly because I hate liars, and I know what its like to be lied to. I try really hard to love people, and show them the best parts of themselves and how to use it, mainly because very very very few people have ever done that for me. I had to do it myself. I try really hard to keep smiling on the outside, because I know how it feels to see nothing but a bunch of shit around you instead of happiness. Your words, your actions, and your gossip could be the final puzzle piece to a disaster that you never thought would be complete.

Mental illness is invisible. Mental illness is painful, and it is often masked with lots of smiles, words, medications, and attempts to love others and be normal. Help someone instead of talking about them. People are So Worth Loving.

Song of the Week is Carnival by the Cardigans because they are precious, and its such a happy song. Check it out!

Also, for a limited time in my Etsy Shop (well, until supplies last and until I leave the state) you can purchase this bundle for only $15! It includes a Just Breath tee, Medical ID card, and a inspirational card. All of that for only $15! Yes, children’s sizes are available! Does a friend need a shirt, or a kiddo? The link to my shop is under the “SHOP” tab!

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-haley.

tanning

Fake ‘n Bake.

I can’t believe It’s already that time of year for shorts, and here we are left to look at some white legs. Some people can embrace it, and others (like me) can not handle it. Tanning to me has been kind of a luxury, and dangerous activity that I’ve been doing since I was a senior in high school (before the laws changed over.) So yes, this post is going to be all about UV tanning, the dangers, protection, benefits, secrets and lotions because aaaalllllooooottt of people are being lied to by companies, or friends. I started tanning today, and just reminded myself of all of these super important steps.

Not only have I been tanning since I was sixteen, but I also worked in a highly professional tanning salon for a while. I had to be educated in tanning itself, had to learn about different beds, spray tanned people, lotions and just about anything else you can think of. It was super interesting, and it also taught me how to take care of my skin despite participating in the dangers of tanning. I had a lot of happy customers and clients, and loved what I did!

kingsley

With full disclosure: Yes, tanning is obviously still bad for your skin. I’m not recommending that you tan, I’m simply here to help you if you do decide to tan, or are already tanning. You need to take precautions and educate yourself in what you are doing. The big scary cancer word is still a risk, and a risk that you are deciding to take. Moving forward!!

So, you might decide that you want to start indoor tanning. When going to look for a salon, you need to ask about packages and what not, obviously. If the girl doesn’t know what she is talking about when it comes to levels, beds, and doesn’t even show you them, then she isn’t going to know how to tan you. Make sure you can feel that they are confident in what they are talking about. When it comes to the beds, the shorter the time, the stronger the bed. You need to start out about halfway (depending on your skin – if you burn easily then less than halfway) on the time. Most places don’t even give you a choice, out of respect to your safety. They aren’t being controlling, they just don’t want to put anyone in danger. Start out SMALL and SLOW.  Also, switching up your beds is going to help with a great tan. Different beds, levels…it’s almost like a workout for your skin. It’s a great way to get results! But, you never start out in a high level. Also, I don’t believe in tanning every damn day. Three days a week, maybe four was perfect.

inbox me for this weeks tanning appointments ---see you soon !

When you start out tanning, lotion IS important. Yes, they are expensive. The cheaper they are, the crappier they are. It’s just the truth. Your three dollar lotion from Walmart is not doing you any favors. Why is lotion so important? Protection, better tan, moisture. You are participating in an act that dries out your skin. Moisturized skin is happy skin, and it tans better. Good lotions also provide a certain level of protection, and actually help the skin tan better as well. When you tan dry, you are not doing yourself any favors.

Bronzers: Bronzers have a tinted look to the lotion itself, providing instant and fake color on top of you achieving your tanned color. This will come out in the shower, or when you shave, but it helps people reach a tan faster by providing that little pop of instant color. A good bronzer wont rub off, but some may, so be prepared. Also, a good bronzer should have a nice tint to you. Try a dab on your arm and see if you like the look and smell, because the nasty O word (orange) is a risk.

Liquid Assets sul blog http://blog.giallozafferano.it/dolcitentazionidirdc/liquid-assets-by-australian-gold/

Liquid Assets is almost like a mix of a bronzer and intensifer. The smell of this lotion is strong!

Instensifiers: These are usually a light, or almost white color. This is more about getting the skin ready to tan, moisturizing it, and letting it achieve its color a bit more naturally but making sure that is intensified naturally. They smell great, they are usually light, and for people who don’t want to risk a left over color then this is your best bet.

Tingles: Lawd have mercy. If you want to feel like the first layer of your skin is being peeled off, then go for it. A tingle irritates the crap out of your skin, making the blood flow faster and producing a more powerful and faster tan. This is where that whole “beauty is pain” comes into play. I refused to try one because I cannot stand to itch, which is usually the sensation people get, or a burning one as well. This should be for experienced tanning peeps only.

Aftercare: This is where most people screw up.  You may have your regular tanning lotion that you put on before the bed, but you need one AFTER. Yes, I’m serious. That Victoria’s Secret lotion, or Jergens? It has alcohol and sulfate in it. In fact, just about every lotion out there does, including your shaving cream and body washes. That STRIPS color, literally. You have to keep moisturizing your skin to maintain color, and you can’t just do it with anything. My favorite brand for this would be HEMPZ. It smells great, and it prolongs the tan while being extremely healthy for the skin.

Hempz herbal body moistureizer....smells delish.

Face:  Your face is the only one you have, and yes you are damaging it too because it is exposed! A super light sun block is advised, or a face lotion that helps protect it, but tan it too is beyond recommended. Like Crystals from Australian Gold – it has no bronzers in it because no one wants a fake color on their face, but it helps protect that color. “I put the towel over my face!” Um, yea that doesn’t do anything.

Tattoo’s:  Is everyone paying attention!!! One of the most important parts!! I cannot tell you the importance of protecting your ink. If you like your ink at all, then you NEEEEED a tattoo stick. Tanning ruins tattoos because it fades the color. Your black tattoo will turn faded and green. Invest in a tattoo stick that has a high sunblock level that you can run all over tattoo’s to keep them looking great. The tattoo sticks are best for people who have small ones here and there. If you have massive pieces, then you need to invest in a tattoo protecting lotion. Also, NEVER EVER tan with a new tattoo.

Ed Hardy Tattoo Stick Protect UV Fade Sunscreen SPF Resistant Tanning Tan UV by Ed Hardy. $5.99. Water resistant and non-greasy. Keep tattoos longer. Protects tattoos from fading. Sunscreen. Fragrance: Light Tropical. Enhance and protect your tattoos with Ed Hardy's UVA/UVB blocking SPF 60 tattoo stick. Very water resistant and non-greasy formula with added shea butter moisturizers. You can make your tattoo last the test of time with sun blocking formula.

After Smell:  Yes, this is actually an issue. Tanning makes you smell weird – almost like you’ve been working out with a little toasty smell to it. Another reason why finding a lotion is important!

Bonus! Teeth: Yes, you can whiten your teeth in the tanning bed! How awesome is that?! I did all last summer, and received lots of compliments. I was using “Twilight Teeth” which allows you to put a little dissolving minty tasting gel over your teeth, smile the whole time, then you are done! There is no rinsing, no pain, no damage. I did it every other tan, and if I missed one, they give you a little light to touch up at home. Yes, it actually works.

Twilight Teeth Whitening Kit

Lotions in store are an investment, and they are expensive because they are skin care! A lot of us think “I’ll just buy offline, it’ll be so much cheaper!” I’ve been guilty of it too. The problem with this is that you have no idea what is in that bottle. You could’ve just paid for something that they switched out, or put something in to harm you on purpose. Buy from a trusted company if you do decide to take the risk of buying online.

When it comes to spray tan, the only one I’ve had experience with is the Mystic Machine. It is fantastic for spray tans! You want to make sure the ingredients are Red Beet Based to give your skin red undertones because that is natural. Anything else will give you orange undertones…spraytan disaster. Be careful what boosters, scents and other things you put in your spray tan cartridge. You don’t want to go all out your first time! Also, you are putting something like paint (not really) on your skin, so you need to PRIME. Always invest in a primer if you become an avid spray tanner. Aftercare is exceptionally important for the same reasons of alcohol and sulfate – HEMPZ is still an option.

My favorite brand of lotions always came from Australian Gold! I think that they have reasonable prices for the awesome lotions that have always given me great results! My favorite to use was a men’s actually, G for Gentlemen Natural Bronzer, because of the sexy man smell. Yes, I smelled like a man and I didn’t care. It also had tattoo protectant, and bronzers in the lotion. It was fabulous!! No, I’m obviously not sponsored, but check out the Australian Gold website to browse through their selection and find a way to order through them, or a store near you!

I’m not saying you should be tanning, but if you choose to Fake ‘n Bake, I hope you enjoyed these tips to get you through to a successful and natural looking tan.

-haley.

@haleyann92

juno2

You Best Stay the Hell Away From My Child.

So, If you’ve been on Facebook lately I’m sure you have seen the lovely little news bar that sits on the right side of your page. Ya know, that little negative strip of  information that really no one needs to see? And bonus! You can’t make it go away. The whole mom sitting in on her son’s sex-ed class thing caught my attention, and let me just ask you this, is this a nightmare? I’m all for parents questioning their children’s schooling because your children’s education is at risk. But this lady is bat-shit insane. Ohh yesss, the controversial subject of not only sex, but sex education. I remember my first class being in fourth grade, and I couldn’t think straight for a week. Then it seemed like it happened every week until I was in high school. It’s like the school could not shut up about sex because they knew everyone around them was having it.

Moving on, the problem with sex education is the fact that it is missing the educational part. They want to show you every disease, every pregnancy statistic, every colored condom and literally every documentary about why sex is wrong. So what do all the little children talk about even more? Um, sex. You just intrigued us and put a magnifying glass over it. I’ve always said that the problem with about 90% of educators is they do not make themselves culturally aware, and prepared to get on these children’s level. To be a successful educator, in layman’s terms, you have to stay hip in a way. You take a subject, and put it on their level using their language, and talking to them as though they are your own children. You get on their level.

Juno (2007) Movie Quotes #juno2007 #moviequotes

Recently, I went to a local junior high to discuss Native American activism and history. Thats something that could easily put anyone to sleep. Using their language, how they would talk to friends, getting their attention, making them laugh…it was ridiculously fun. And when I heard them talking amongst themselves “Ooo, I like her attitude” then I knew I did something right. People say it’s because I’m young, which yes is true. But honestly people, all these kids need is sincerity. They are exposed to so much more than you were ever exposed to at their age. They have real questions, and are going to need real answers.

They need to learn about real life sex. What it’s about, why its awesome, and why it’s a responsibility. They DO need to see the risks of STD’s (that are actually most of the time invisible – but we forget to mention that part and just show them nasty pictures) and they do need to see what raising a kid looks like. Not pushing it out, but rather than what it’s going to take. They need to be shown the responsibility behind the act.

"This ain't no Etch a Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet." Juno (2007) Movie Quotes #juno2007 #moviequotes

Then you have crazy-ass bitch bags that sit in like this. Why do I disagree with her?

1. She sat in on the class in the first place, among these children creating a stressful, and a harassed filled environment for the educators. I would’ve kicked her ass.

2. She has no earthly idea what other parent’s prefer their children hearing. I know its high school, but when you are publicly screaming “fuck” in front of my kid at another adult (giving an example of what a high school student would do instead of an adult) I have a fucking problem. Oops, did I say that? I may have a dirty mouth, but you best believe it’s cleaned up in public.

3. She’s a word twister. The guest speaker (who made a bad choice of words) made an example of “if a girl is saying she wants to wait and says no, then that is the girl you want.” I think all of us sane-people know what this means. But her crazy ass thinks he’s promoting rape. “Saying no really means saying yes!!” is what she is proclaiming. Realllllllyyyy bitch?

4. She doesn’t just encourage sex education, she encourages it period. Dude, really? Yes. Let them know its pleasurable, that it’s awesome, its normal to have…desires. Aside from that, these are still kids. They can look grown up, and feel grown up things, but they cannot execute them properly. They usually don’t want to, or can’t go to a clinic to get checked, they cannot raise a child, and they sometimes even throw bitch fits about buying condoms. Oh, but  have all the sex you want! Why should you deny yourself? You can’t get pregnant with oral or anal sex!!! Thats what she is wanting to tell your children.

Juno (2007) Movie Quotes #juno2007 #moviequotes

Bottom line, she wanted to make headlines (and she did) unfortunately while flaunting her knowledge. She is a Sex professor, and wants to teach everyone only the good points. I see why she does if it’s something she’s passionate about enough to get a degree in. But with this subject, especially with KIDS, they do need to see the bad. They do need to see the life changing decisions behind one what seems like a simple one. Ok lady, stick to the older crowds who probably have given up on their sex lives, or maybe some college kids that need to learn further about the subject.

But stay the hell away from everyone’s children.

Song of the Week is Combination of the Two by Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company. SCREAM IT OUT Y’ALL!!

-haley.

pueblo2

Murder of the Messengers. Warning: Graphic Content.

I have finally hit my peak with animal violence lately. This blog post has been brewing in my mind for almost a week, and today put the finishing and explosive touches on my words. Some of y’all might know that I am from Texas. Ya know, the state that you don’t mess with, everyone rides a horse and also has a gun? Yea, I’m used to people exclaiming “I would just shoot his ass!” It’s common. Then you have the people who take their gun rights, weapons or whatever to the extreme and think they can show the world how bad ass they can be. I’m about to get all spiritual so if you can’t hang with, the little “x” is in the right corner.

I believe animals were given to us for a reason; they are the helpers of society. They give their companionship when we are lonesome. They give us warmth with their magnificent fur, they are silent, and always listening when we need them to. They give their lives, so that we may live. They are creations and just as much masterpieces as we are through our creator. They are a direct representation of him, and beautiful. So beautiful that they become almost trophies in a way to the fools of society, and of value and honor to the warm-hearted.

Being Native American, I have studied in-depth about animal spirits as they are a huge part of this world. We are taught to be in constant communication with mother earth, and the creator. The creator (God) is in constant communication with us through his art, and his creations. Different animals possess different messages, and meanings. No, I don’t see just an everyday bird and think “Oh my gosh, a message!!” Messages, and animals sent to you by the creator are in a way out-of-place, special, and give you chills up your spine. You just know when you have been communicated to. The more we become in sync with communications, his creation, and the beautiful earth he gave to us…the more we are in sync with him. There is a reason the mountains, waterfalls, and animals take your breath away. He wanted you to feel that, and to feel him.

With this set aside, many people love to say that hunting in general is wrong, and wearing animal fur is awful and blah blah blah. I am a huge animal activist and lover, but in my ceremonies I am covered in their fur, and dancing alongside buffalo heads that men are wearing. Um, what?! You heard me. Native Americans (to this day) and then, hunt and hunted out of necessity. They needed to survive, and they knew these creatures had to provide. Prayers are common before hunting so that the animal may prepare to give its life to the people. They took into consideration what exactly they were about to do. “Deer, I am sorry to hurt you, but the people are hungry.” -Choctaw You may also witness this in an Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown New Mexico episode in Zia Pueblo. What blows my mind (and should everyone’s) is Native Americans used and use everything. They were not kept as trophies, but rather to honor the animal. They took what they needed, and made everything useful. Skunk furs are tied around our ankles, buffalo heads cover our men, coyote skins hang down the boy’s backs, as well as feathers are dangled from just about anything. Hides and fur keep us warm, and protected, and are highly valued in prayer. We didn’t just kill to wear their beauty, but we honor them and thank these animal’s lives in our dancing. Are you disturbed by the picture below? I didn’t think so.

Hopi Dancers performing at the Museum of Northern Arizona

So, why the frustration? I’m sick of animals being nothing more to the public than entertainment. Nothing more that something to poke at, or even at times disposed of. Nothing more than to capture and make a trophy. I am disgusted at the “Americanized” culture people continue to abide by, and that our ancestors knew would happen and fought against. When white settlers first came to America, they not only destroyed Native American’s themselves, but their culture, and their resources. Countless buffalo were wiped out, and wasted just for their hides. Natives were left to starve, while white men sold valuable buffalo hides not giving a damn what they did. Buffalo carcasses sat out and rotted in waste. I am beginning to see a similar resemblance in our culture today…

giraffe shot

Now, are those images disturbing? They should be. And let me say this; I have a fucking problem as should the rest of this world. I do not see compassion, I do not see thankfulness, I do not see honor. I see a direct representation of evil, cruelty, pride, and greed. I see joy in taking a life rather than honoring it. We are slipping into a society, and a way of thinking that we can behave how we want, we can treat others we feel “below” us how we want, and that we may take what we can see. I do not think so, not anymore. I am ashamed and outraged to share the same earth as these evil human beings, as should you be.

“Take only what you need from this earth, and leave the land as you found it.”

You better wake up America, and fight back against the evil rising up. Who is to say that your life and ways of living are not going to be threatened too? Who is to not say that one day you, and your life may one day be the trophy?

-haley.

frankburns2

Religious Freedom. Nertz.

Religious freedom. Well, that’s a bombshell combination, isn’t it? The whole world is up in flames at those words, and the intensity behind them. I’m just about in flames too. Honestly people, I’ve just had enough of Religion. Not necessarily of Jesus, or God, but of the people who choose to be a direct representation of him. I’m so tired of it that my heart is hardened. I’m so tired that it plays a huge part in my soon relocation ( I live in the Bible belt.)

1970 animated GIF

“Holy crap, another rebellious youngster/liberal that wants to turn against the cross!” Oh yes, I get this label daily. Um, Nertz. Calm down crazy, lets back up a bit into religious freedom. You see, people across the world right now are literally fighting for theirs. Be-headings, executions, persecutions, and I get in a way we still have to fight for ours in America. To be able to say a prayer at a football game, and all that. Yes, I do get the fight for religious freedom. I should be able to answer my student’s question about Jesus in school without having to shush them. But when are you just crossing over into being a straight up asshole? When does your religious freedom become your new weapon against society making you the “Frank Burns” of the religious world? This should be fun.

Shall we continue?

You see, that’s why this blog post had to be. So many of us think that because someone opposes our views, they are they enemy! Don’t pull a Frank Burns; Unless they are telling you that you may no longer pray or go to your place of worship, then they are not the enemy loves. Unless they are directly effecting your way of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness then they are not the enemy…they are simply different.

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“Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Good grief, can you imagine trying to put up with everyone’s happiness? You just can’t, that’s why you leave it up to them. Sure, we feel responsible to keep other people happy. To donate that extra dollar, gather cans of food, and save the world!! Why yes, some of your deed’s might be good, and others might be unwelcome. Sharing opportunities versus pushing them are two very different things. Your Religion is not threatened by others who do not choose the same path as you. Hobby Lobby for example; they choose not to cover birth control for their female employee’s out of religious freedom. Wait, so because you believe something, I don’t get to live my life the way I feel as though I want to? “But that’s my religious freedom!!” Well, what happened to theirs? You get to worship freely on Sunday, don’t you? You get to wear a cross on your shirt, and openly say you are a Christian, don’t you? Thats more than a lot of people get in most countries.”You shouldn’t have an abortion because that violates what I believe in!” What about what they believe in? Shouldn’t they have religious freedom too? After all, didn’t the God you are throwing in people’s face even give the humans he created a choice to believe in him? Hmmm. You have religious Freedom; now you just want religious force.

frankburns2Nertz.

Moving forward from the religious force, er, I mean freedom, into loading your religious guns. Haven’t you ever been around someone where they used it as a weapon against you? We all have. Its annoying, it tarnishes the belief for us (especially if this happens when you are young) and it hardens our heart. The driving force behind this problem is fear; fear of what that person is doing, believing, how it will affect you, and how you will protect yourself. 

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You see, most people find me weird (are we surprised?) because Native American spirituality is a big part of my life. I don’t know what life the Creator (God), or Jesus have planned for me, but they have given me some awesome gifts; gifts that let me feel closer to them. I just don’t click in a church, sorry. Dont shoot! During worship, the songs make me feel weird, I’m distracted by lights, I’m bored, and I’m usually drifting somewhere else within my mind. When I put on Regalia I’m proud of, that I studied, and I’m gathered with people who make me feel loved, and happy doing something we love together, I just feel him. It’s the weirdest, but best high ever. When I’m dancing, I don’t know how my lungs let me do it, I’m on autopilot. I’m feel elated, and I know he feels that energy he gave to me vibrating back through to him. When I study his creation, from the organic food I should be consuming, to the mountains that give me peace…I see him and I feel him.  When I study animal spirits, I feel a great puzzle piece has been found. These animals I know he chooses to communicate through because they are his creation. He is present through his art. People don’t know that because people don’t ask. People think I am some anti-church and crazy buffalo eagle spirit lady with bells on…because they choose not to communicate. I am different, and I am to be feared…which is ridiculous.

mash animated GIF

You should never fear another person because they are different. It leads to a shut out, lonely, misinterpreted and lost life. In that individual’s mind you just took away their worth. You’ve labeled them, pushed them away, and shown them exactly who they do not want to be or what they should not believe in; you lost and so did they. People wonder why I don’t hang out with certain groups? Because words may lie, but energy doesn’t. You can feel the invisible barriers, and being “ganged” up on. What do we do to change this? One of my favorite quotes is “We do not go into ceremony to talk about God. We go into ceremony to talk to God” by Quanah Parker. We are made in his (God’s) image. Sit down and talk with him, as well as you should the people. I don’t care where you are, who they are, what they look like, believe in or represent. Just be a human with them, that’s all there is to it. No, you are not Jesus. But supposedly the holy spirit is still around, doing its work. Maybe just sitting down as though Christ would with people who others rejected, you could be passing something onto someone else; You could also feel a change within you. The kind of change that makes you feel so good that the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. What a privilege it is to go outside the typical limits and experience things others have no idea what they are missing. I’ve had some pretty incredible answers, and experiences too in abandoned schools for instance. It’s insane the feeling you get from just loving people, even if you do not believe in anything…loving people, and listening to people is still something to practice. “If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt; Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.” John 4 20-21

mash animated GIF

So, what image are you upholding to people? What circle are you running around in everyday and who are you impacting? Do you have guns-a-blazin’, or just an open mind? Because these days I hear a lot of outcries for freedom, but I’m seeing more force.

-haley.

tasia

Emotionally Exhausted and Morally Bankrupt.

Sitting here after a wasteful three-hour nap, wide awake at midnight and staring into a damaging computer screen. All I can think is, “My cat is in the backyard.” She would usually be to the left of me, perched on the couch.

I’ve always been told that life is full of change, agreed to it, but never did I grasp it until these past few months. You expect change, you are told to get ready for it, but it hits like a title wave…and when you are left laying there wondering what the hell you are doing on the ground, you realize things changed. I love the quote along the lines of, “day-to-day it seems like nothing changes, but within a year everything is different.”

Lately, there has been so much change that I can’t get my bearings. I’m knocked down only to barely get to my knee’s, and catch a glimpse of another wave coming. At this point I’m “emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt”as the MASH 4077 would put it. I’ve had things thrown in my face that I shouldn’t have, people stripped from me, and I’m left to sit here in the dark and type about it. Isn’t this everyone at one point though?

For those who don’t follow me on social media, My childhood pet and first black cat, Fantasia, passed away on April the first. She was my first best friend who slept by my  head every night, licked my face until I fell asleep, listened to cries from a breakup…and she was such a fighter. The older, and unhealthier she got, she was still fast, sharp, and after she lost consciousness around 11:45pm, she should’ve died within minutes. She continued to fight off death until 2:06am. Losing Fantasia was in a way relief after how much her body was failing her. But burying her was like putting a final piece of my childhood, and support system into the ground. I only hope that the couple of hours her heart continued to beat, that her soul was still around somewhere, felt our hugs, and listened to our goodbyes.

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Throughout our lives we will have to continually shed our skin, and adapt to change. It will knock the breath out of your failing or healthy lungs, bring you to your knee’s, and sometimes you just have to release an outcry of anger in reply. I’m tired of people acting as though my anger is abnormal, unexpected, and inappropriate. Anger is a human emotion; while it is not healthy to feel anger continually, it is okay to feel it and express it. Feel your anger and release it as you please. Stop condemning people, or treating them as though there are “issues” present, when really all that lays underneath that anger is humanity; a human response. Anger is natural. Let your anger be felt, and let others feel accepted.

I have every right to be angry. I’m stressed, I’m changing my lifestyle, and my normal. I’m losing a place of dance, and things that I love for change. I feel the daily strain on a body that I can’t fix, cant excel in the points that I want to, and doctors that want to restrain dreams. I’ve lost people who greatly had a grip on my heart, I feel betrayed, and watch best friends in my life take their last breaths and decide where they should be buried. Time will not heal my wounds, but create scars. Time will ease the intensity of change, and hopefully transform into peace. But until then…

I am angry. I am not insane, unhealthy, or “need to talk.” I am just human, dealing with human things. I am normal. Let me be angry. Let me be me.

-haley.

@haleyann92

Song of the Week is Blessa by Toro Y Moi.

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Move It Out!!

Happy Monday loves!

I’ve been a tad absent while focusing on other works in my life. I’m getting poetry written, paintings painted, jewelry and dreamcatchers made, and its been crazy! I feel like the artistic side of my brain has been on overload!

As y’all may or may not know, I am (hopefully) moving the first of May. Yes its soon, its quick, and I really feel like I’m finally ready! Because of these big changes, I’m getting rid of about 80% of my stuff that I don’t need. Clothes, Jewelry, Camera’s, you name it. If you think you want to take a look of what is leaving my closet, then download the Poshmark app! It’s an amazing little app where you can buy right out of people’s closet, its quick and also safe. I really love Poshmark. Look for my closet @halynn92 and use the code BBYFW when you sign up so you can get a $5 credit. Thats five dollars off a purchase!! :)

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Also, if some of y’all have taken a look at my Etsy, it’s not only my vintage and art shop, but a little PH shop too! You can find the Just Breathe Lung Tee’s, PH Bracelets, PH Medical ID cards with the Just Breathe lungs, and even super cute cards with my quote! So if some of you PH’ers want that then check out, my Etsy shop PHenomenal PHinds. Link is in the Shop section!!

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Thank y’all for reading this super short and sweet post about me auctioning off most of my belongings! This is the movement to get Haley the hell out of Texas!! ;)

Enjoy the song of the week Sunshine of Your Love by Cream

-haley.

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True or Toxic?

“Never be afraid to do whats right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society’s punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

My loud mouth is very well-known for exactly that; being loud, standing up and speaking my mind. I annoy people, I get hushed, or people are “appalled” by my “behavior” and I just want to say that undoubtedly…I don’t give a flying fuck. People pleasing will never be a hobby of mine. I will not walk on eggshells to keep you happy because fake happy is not happy; its false expectations and lies.

So many of us get caught up in putting our “fake smile” on to get through ninety percent of the day. The only people I will ever fake smile for are children, and giving them the absolute best part of myself I can at the time. Anyways, back to people pleasing; its stupid. People will never be pleased, and in the process you are ruining yourself. How exactly? Because with each person, or friend, it’s like you have to go home and change into a different you for someone else. There is no “one person.” Soon, there are five different versions of you that clash with three different groups that you can never actually be yourself with. Why? Because you decided to be untrue; you went from true to toxic.

Now what does this have to do with standing up for whats right? Because it shows you the extent that people go through to change themselves, only in order to keep other people happy resulting in a loss of happiness for themselves. People pleasing is focusing on everyone but you, and I’m sorry, until those people are your children  then they can screw off. Who cares what they expect, what they hear, what they talk about, what they think, and what they do not like. If they don’t like who is truly you…if they wouldn’t like who was truly you, then why are they in your life? To fake smile at?

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After becoming addicted to MASH these past couple of weeks, Hawkeye is not just the new love of my life, but an inspiration. Simply because he does not give a damn; not of your rank, your thoughts, your opinion, or your hatred. What he see’s as right is what he will stand up for despite the number of people who want to throw him in jail. You’d think he’d be shaken up? Nah, he has the ability to laugh because he has no image to uphold. He loves and respects others without ever having to like them. He is himself with every person; there is no three “Hawkeyes.” Everyone loves him because he is true; not toxic.

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“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” -Desmond Tutu

maskI really don’t know what else to say other than I’m tired of people hiding their words, thoughts, feelings and actions because it’s really just a form of self imprisonment. I can’t imagine living a life of wearing a costume to appease someone. Stand up for what you think is right, despite how many people attack you on social media. Talk back when you are being talked down, speak your mind, do what you want to do, and don’t be afraid to feel what you are actually feeling. Its society who wants you to put a mask upon your face. Masks are creepy so take it off.

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Haley’s Homeless Haul.

Soo lovelies, as you may or may not know, I’m considering making some big life changes pretty soon. Also, I was tired of feeling trapped, and slaving away at a job I hated. So, because I have no  major responsibilities, I quit. “Oh, how irresponsible.” Well thanks for the positive thoughts, but no. This is one of the few times in my life where I can make irrational decisions because I do not have a marriage, or child to weigh it down. So yea, I’m being irresponsible and loving it. On the other hand, its given me opportunities to actually use some things I’ve bought in the past, and finally try some things that I’ve been wanting to forever, and others that I just wanted in my life. Lets goooo.

Betsey Haul

haul1What I love about this Betsey Haul is how inexpensive it was. Betsey is my favorite designer ever because of her lovely creations, but amazing personality. When she went out of business, and had to close all of her pretty pink stores I thought life was over. But, Steve Madden saved the day! He bought Betsey’s brand, and she became creative director, obviously. Because of that, Betsey is now everywhere! She has really expanded, and made her products affordable!! I got sick a couple of weeks ago, and the same day Betsey Johnson tissues were released at Walmart. (coincidence? I think not.) Once again, she released another set of limited edition stationery supplies at Michael’s craft store. I scooped them up last year, and unfortunately didn’t make it in time to get to the cards and journals this year. I LOVE pink roses, and that was obviously the theme once again this year. As you can see the Betsey Kleenex’s above, I bought two three packs and each box (and side of the box) has its own design. This was my favorite (and is empty because I felt like my nose was falling off.) I never use these drink tumblers, but had to purchase this one. My second Betsey tumbler! I bought two large vinyl storage pouches, one in yellow and pink. I of course bought a Betsey rose pen, and finally bought a phone case…which did not fit. Its available in my Etsy store for anyone who wants it! Last but not least, Betsey close-line clips (I have no idea what I’ll use them for) and a Betsey Luggage tag because my suit-cases are already pink! Merp!

Forever 21 – Accessories

haul2Finally, my hometown decided to bring in a Forever 21. I thought my best friend and I were going to bust down the door because we don’t have any access to quality retail around here. Moving on, when it opened, the store just didn’t seem right. It didn’t have the classic “Forever 21″ feel to it, or choice. Literally, there is nothing to choose from. I happened to look up, and notice the front said “Forever 21 RED.” After asking an employee what that means, it all clicked. We didn’t even get a full store. We got the basic bitch store, and on top of that we got the “not full store” while they are trying to bring back a hideous selection and what looks like a mix of my Mom’s closet when she was pregnant with my sister, and my three-year old closet in 1995. Seriously, Jelly platform sandals and denim jumpers?! So I’ve ignored the clothes and found refuge in the accessory selection. I found a fabulous storage bag that unfolds (and can re-fold) finished with a hook so that it may be thrown on a door somewhere. I decided to spend a whole two dollars on a blue floral stand up mirror, and finally, I bought eye lash curlers. A girl actually asked me if my eye lashes were real today. Made my week. I fell in love with this very gypsy-like necklace, and a ridiculous array of gold stackable rings. Then last but not least a new contour brush, and black sponge. I’ve always wanted a black beauty blender (come on, its fricken black!!) but couldn’t bring myself to spend $22 dollars on a small sponge. I found this one for $3. WIN.

New Hurrr Haul

haul3As some of y’all might know, unfortunately, my hair is not naturally super dark brown. While its adapted well to it, I have to take good care of it to not only keep the color, but to keep my hair happy and healthy so it will grow. Yes, it requires a bit of cash but that’s better than damaged and ridiculous hair. What I have been using for a while has been Matrix Biolage Color Last. First off, the smell is AMAZING. Also, it does a really good job at keeping the color on your head (if you have a washing routine, and are not washing everyday.) Matrix So Silver is also what I recommend to Platinum Blonds to keep your hair blonde not yellow, and only using it once a week so you don’t develop purple-tinted hair. ;) Matrix is just one of those brands where people think it’s freshly dyed after every wash. Since I live in dry Texas, my hair has no moisture. So, usually once a week I break out the Kenra moisturizing conditioner. It smells like Sweetgrass (if you’ve never smelt that, then how awful) and it does a pretty good job of repairing dry hair. I really don’t see it as useful for weekly use. Since I bought a Kenra product, I got the Blow Dry mini sprays as a free gift! This stuff came from God himself! It smells so good that my hair dresser will sometimes use it for body spray. This stuff is ridiculously expensive, works like a charm and is a for sure splurge. Then for those of you that have frizzy, dry and damaged hair, invest in the Marc Anthony Morocco oil to calm it down throughout the day. Yes, the smell is amazing, but when lightly sprayed into dry hair on the go, it calms it giving a nice sleek look. Plus, Rocco’s name is in it.

LUSH!!

haul4Finally!! I had been wanting to try Lush forever. The thought of these truly organic products, that are not tested on animals, and hand-made right there was beyond appealing. Anything that directly comes from the earth, and not processed through a machine first IS good for your body. My friend has the Ocean Salt scrub which I got to try first, but since I love mint I’ve always wanted to try to Mask of Magnaminty. HOLY COW! Why yes it is organic because of the texture and fresh smell, and when applied its even better. Yes, you just look like you crawled out of the jungle, but when you rinse it off you feel and see a difference. This is not just a mask but a true cleanser. My skin has been cleared up ever since I quit a ridiculous job (my hormones and stress levels probably evened out) and then this kicked my face’s butt! My skin has been a dream since I’ve been using the mask. Truly impressed with the refreshing feel. When I saw a couple of videos of Lush’s bathbombs, I was so excited to try these. I ordered blackberry, avocado, and rose (not pictured.) I used the rose while sick, and could still smell it. The flowers that came packed in it spread all over the tub. It was truly a majestic feeling bath. I believe these can be relaxing, they smell good, the salts and oils are amazing for your skin, and watching them fizz and change the water colors is fun. I can’t wait to use my other two bombs, but I can’t soak right now due to a healing tattoo. I think these could be great here and there surprises for kids! Also, I got a soap sample I’m excited to try I think by the name of porridge. We will see.

Sephora Haul!

haul5Sephora can be too much fun if they would get a bigger store (well, in my town) and would actually keep things stocked. But seriously, their selection is so much better in my opinion than Ulta, also the staff that knows what they are talking about, and their little samples are actually helpful! Kat Von D has been a favorite lately. Not only is her Tattoo Wet Liner the best stuff to ever grace my eyelids (it’s the only wet liner I will ever wear), but her new contour palette and fabulous lipsticks have rocked my world. While on a hunt for a new amazing color, I discovered Coven. The name was perfect (cue American Horror Story) but the lilac color on my lips made me feel like a whole new person! On top of that the smooth formula of the lipstick is amazing. It evenly spreads over the lips, and has lasting power. A couple of weeks later, I invested in a fabulous nude color, Agatha. Sounds like a Bewitched name, doesn’t it? Maybe its just me. Skipping to the other lips, I bought a little six-dollar tin that has made it to my favorites. I couldn’t go with the original rose, but invested in the Minty Rose. This stuff instantly softens my lips, and a little goes a long way. For my dry lips, this is a miracle, and is better than using the same stick especially if you develop cold sores from cracked lips and keep spreading that virus. Bottom line, a must have for dry lips. Finally, back to Sephora samples, I received a sample of the Soap and Glory “Peaches and Clean” cleanser. I was impressed, and bought the full size one. It smells like actual peaches being smothered across your face, and it leaves a nice moisturized feel unlike most cleansers. Love. it.

Vinyl Haul

haul6My vinyl collection no longer fits in the little crate that was intended to hold it…and I keep buying more because music is yessss. Anyways, I decided invest in a couple of classics, and a few new artists. Cat Power originally caught my ear in Juno’s album when she sang “Sea of Love.” It’s still hard not to cry with that song playing. I decided to try one of her albums, and I’m going to have to be in the right mood. Its one of those super relaxed vinyl’s that I’m hoping I’ll be glad I bought. Also, the name is just right. Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy is a must have for anyone. The Rain Song is unbeatable. When I found Marvin Gaye’s Whats Going On vinyl at Barnes and Noble, I actually shrieked. What a fantastic piece of art to own!! This was his heart put onto vinyl, and something he was so proud of. It killed him when people ended up “hating it” despite its climb onto the charts. This is a classic. Finally, I can’t believe I found Empire of the Sun on vinyl. I discovered them on Myspace (I know) fell in love, and so did my dad. Their music wasn’t even available in America yet (they are from Australia), then BOOM two years later and they were everywhere. This is their second album (I think) Ice On the Dune which is a fantastic mix of techno pop. Its like updated 80’s music. They are wonderful performers, and to own a vinyl is mind-blowing.

Etsy Haul

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Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetFake nose hoop in action

Etsy is an addiction, obviously. I call it a classier Ebay because of how things are listed. It’s a great place to find just about anything art, handmade, and vintage you can imagine. I indulged in a classic vintage Eagle Katchina shirt, and another set of my nose hoops. A lot of people ask the size of my nose “piercing” and where I got my hoop. Actually, my nose isn’t pierced. My body just does not respond well to the metals. When I was a kid, I remember the pain of having my ear piercings cleaned, and how infected they constantly were. The second hole in my ear was impossible, and finally I just let it close at fifteen years old. My belly button piercing was beyond infected and painful for weeks, despite cleaning it how I was supposed to, not swimming, and all other precautions. I let that close too. My body is fine with tattoo’s, but anything going through the skin with metal behind it will just start a war. So, putting one on my face is not worth it. I discovered JewelleryK by accident which creates real, and fake sterling silver, gold, rose gold and just about anything else hoops and piercings. I ordered one fake sterling silver hoop last year, and everyone complimented my piercing. I wore it constantly, but beware! They are super easy to lose! However, they are cheap, so this is my third order. I love having my nose hoop when I feel like wearing it, without the infection behind it!

Speaking of Etsy, YES my Etsy shop is finally open! I expect to put vintage finds, things I create as well as a few PH nick nacks listed. Keep an eye out for new things being added each week! I can’t wait for people to have some new Haley Ann creations available to y’all, so be sure to check it out. Have a fantastic week!!

Song of the Week is Sea of Love by Cat Power.

-haley.

 

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Why My Career Ended Before It Even Started.

As lost as I seem to be these days, when someone asks me, “Well, what do you eventually want to end up doing?” My answer will always be teaching. Working with kids, and actually seeing them learn, knowing I was a part of that is the best feeling. I love changing their mind-set, molding them, and hopefully being a small fragment in their life that they might look back on one day when they need to. Everyone always asks me, “Have you ever thought about education?” Um, yea. Been there; wrecked that.

My first year in education was magical. Mainly because I worked four hours a day, and was teaching Pre-K. It wasn’t just colors and shapes, but I took my work very seriously. My kids were learning that full four hours of the day from manners, to movies. Everything connected, and I loved it. My students were beautiful, and they were my true loves for that year. To see a Spanish speaking student (who refused to talk for the first three months) finally, and proudly announce that he was coloring with orange, then spelled it, made me want to lie on the floor and cry. I was exactly where I wanted to be. My second year (and third) in education came a change in administration, and hours. My first full-time year, and this time I was making rounds as an actual assistant. I saw a change in my desires to teach, as I now was leaning towards a more middle school atmosphere, and I also felt a pit in my stomach. I heard the meetings, the push for tests scores to get higher, the invasion of teachers thoughts and classrooms, and the overall destruction.  It became clear to me that it didn’t matter what they were wearing, feeling, eating, or experiencing…all that mattered were what they were scribbling out on their test packets with their plain yellow number two pencils.

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With teachers being pushed to their limits, working twelve hours a day, conferences, meetings, and still taking papers home, they are not equipped to teach. Which brings up another issue; Are our teachers really teaching? I want these students to leave my class educated, and what our teachers are doing is not that. They are test scorers, givers, reading from pamphlets, egg-shell walkers who answer to the report of their numbers from the boss like salesmen would. Its annoying that these little humans are no longer people who have feelings, problems, and bleed red…they are walking numbers who have the potential to possibly be in the whatever amazing “percentile” that will pass!!! We don’t care if they learn a damn thing, as long as they pass!! We don’t even care if they end up serial killers, but hey, they passed their standardized tests in fourth grade! Not only how we are treating our students is a massive problem, but how we are treating our educators; their feelings reflect in their work. We cover our asses in inventing little programs that make students feel special, and family nights (which teachers will be mandated to attend with a fake and tired smile on their face), and we buy all the teachers their favorite drink one day a year. These fake attempts to reach out do not cover being told they are not enough, to work harder, you are not making a difference (WRONG) because their “scores” don’t show a difference…its bound to leak through your pores onto your chalkboard. Enough is enough after a while; a reason why so many educators have retired, or walked away…simply because they are no longer educating.

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After walking the halls, and being pushed to tears in what could be in these classrooms, excuse me, testing rooms, I had to walk away. Children are not professional test takers, and little robot machines. They are human, and they will be better little humans when they are actually learning about the actual world they live in; When they study their culture, their environment, and things that will make a difference…not fictional math problems, and why Suzi used that word in that paragraph. Really? Standardized testing has literally taken over the world, and destroyed education. We spend our entire year teaching children how to study for a test, rather than teaching them important things in life that will stick, and teaching them how to love school. We don’t even have time for that anymore! We only have time for tests, practice tests, workshops and tutorials!!! Thats all that ever matters!! Screw fun, guest speakers, time outside, and field trips!! How is any of that educational?!?! Don’t forget to plan that two weeks of when we lock down the school like a state prison with teachers roaming the halls, one at every corner, and even listening to you pee in the bathroom. Don’t you even think about talking about this test you little nine-year old! Stick to your script teachers on how to answer that question (you’ll be arrested if you don’t) sign this contract (yea, you might actually go to jail) and here is a step-by-step instruction guide on how to protect the test packets if a tornado hits, or a child vomits on the valuable packets.

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So, after all these standardized tests, and billions of dollars pumped into it, what do we have to show for it? Well, here are the highlights of my research.

1. Standardized testing has not improved student achievement.

After the NCLB (No Child Left Behind) passed in 2002, the US slipped from 18th in the world in math on the PISA to 31st with a similar drop in math, and reading.

2. Standardized tests are an unreliable measure of student performance.

A study published by the Brookings Institution found that 50-80% of year-over-year test score improvements were temporary and “caused by fluctuations that had nothing to do with long-term changes in learning.”

3. Standardized tests are unfair and discriminatory against non English speakers, and students with special needs.

I don’t even need to find some fancy evidence to support this; I saw it first hand. They are pulled into classrooms with a one on one teacher which yes, you think would help them, but all the students know why they aren’t testing with everyone, why they get more time, and not to mention they are being watched like a hawk. It’s just not fun to be “different” because you are with one teacher all day (even during lunch) and who wants to listen to a teacher talk directly to them, then watch them eat their sandwich? Didn’t think so. They want to talk about Power Rangers, and eat lunch with their friends because they are eight freaking years old. Also, what teacher wants to be with this one student all day reading a script? Exactly.

4. Standardized tests measure only a small portion of what makes education meaningful.

AMEN. “Standardized tests cannot measure creativity, critical thinking, resilience, motivation, persistence, curiosity, endurance, self-awareness, empathy, leadership, compassion and so on.” Once again, AMEN. They cannot measure HUMANITY and TRUE LEARNING.

5. “Teaching the test” is replacing good teaching practices with “drill n’ kill” learning.

As stated above, if you even present a fun idea to a teacher, they have the stressed response of, “I don’t think we have time for that! We’re getting ready for the test!” I’m not surprised. I’m glad that test will change their lives, it’s so awesome! Thumbs up for learning! NOT.

6. Instruction time is being consumed by the monotonous test preparation.

On September 11, 2002 students at Monterey High School in Lubbock, TX (Hey, this was my dad’s high school!) were prevented from discussing the first anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks because they were too busy with standardized test preparation…yep.

In a society so mentally, and emotionally at risk because of things exposed to them at such young ages, they need to come to a place where they can correctly learn things that truly matter that they might not be learning in their home life…if they even have a home. They need teachers who are happy, not stressed, and have time. They need administration who can look past the rule book at the little human being on the other side of the desk. These students need to learn about the world around them so that they understand love, compassion, leadership, and determination to become better little human beings…while also being disciplined correctly. Why, WHY would they want to put themselves through college when they have been working, and studying like a college student since second grade? By the time these children graduate, they will have literally learned nothing, but will be so tired of looking at books and attempting to comprehending their own scores (that they think rates them at how worthy they are at life) that they will be done with education, and learning. How sad; they were never even shown how to truly learn to begin with.

I’m tired for these kids, and I’m upset. I’ve been cheated out of a career that I thought was a lot different. “It wasn’t like it was when I first started” is something that falls out of so many educator’s mouths. I’m deeply saddened that these kids have no time for mistakes or to even act like a human child. I’m angry that they do not learn, that they merely study. I’m shocked and overwhelmed how much worse it gets; their attitudes, their issues, and these internal educational problems in the system.

Show me a school that wants children to learn, and mentally and emotionally grow, and I will gladly work for my masters in education. Because EVERY child despite how many times they yell in your face, and breakdown is worth educating and loving.

-haley.

The list goes on forever, literally. If you would like to read more (even the pro’s) you can visit standardizedtests.procon.org